Again…this is a very late post(it took place in December 2015). At first, I wasn’t so sure whether to share about my wedding or not…but then since my blog is also part of my life, I think sharing a bit about my special day is okay.
First of all…my wedding isn’t like most Indonesian wedding reception. Far before I even had a dream of marrying someone, I already didn’t like Indonesian wedding. Typical Indonesian wedding is not a personal wedding, it’s always parents’ wedding. Every time I came to my friend’s wedding, I always see MORE parents’ friends than the couple’s friends…why? because wedding is the time for parents to invite their friends even though the couple don’t even know them.
Most Indonesian wedding reception will spent tens to hundreds of million rupiah. Extravagant party with the couple wearing traditional wedding dress sitting on a chair and stand up whenever a guest come to shake hand.
You will just sit there throughout the reception while watching your friends laughing and having fun on the other side of the room.
As sign for people to know that there’s a wedding reception, Janur kuning is put/set in front of the street or the building used for the reception.
Well….I had none of that, because I never dream of having such boring wedding reception. It works for most Indonesian, they even dream of being on that stage like a one day princess. As for me, I always find American or European wedding reception more fun because we get to hang out with the guests, not only sit and watch all the people laughing from a far, I want to laugh together with them because my wedding will be my happiest day.
When we started dating, our mindset was already set for a long term relationship which was getting married. Dating for us was used to save money for our small wedding. I told him straight away that I don’t want extravagant wedding reception that will spent a lot of money. I want a very simple one with only family and close friends as the guests. I didn’t need the stage, the chair, the flowers, the janur and the traditional clothes…all I want was just family and close friends attending my akad and then we eat, talk and laugh together.
Akad is the most important part of getting married, it’s the time when penghulu (priest for Christian) helped my father to give me away to my husband. From movies, I saw the church wedding saying something like “Do you take this man/woman to be your loving husband/wife and so on” then the answer is “I do”
In Islam, it’s not like that. Under penghulu’s guidance, my father said ” …my husband name…bin (son of) … my father in law’s name … I marry off and I wed off my daughter … my name… to you, with the dowry ….., in cash” (this is called Ijab)
Then my future husband would say “I accept her marriage and wedding of ….my name… binti (daughter of) … my father’s name … with the dowry mentioned above in cash. (this is called Qabul)
They were doing it while holding each other right hand (like shaking hands) because it was a process of giving me away to my husband. Once the Ijab-Qabul had been said, we are automatically married according to Islam. But to make it official, we signed marriage books and some government papers with my younger brother and my husband’s in law as witnesses.
I never imagined that my father would cry when he gave me away. I thought I was the one who was going to cry. Seeing my father having hard time saying Ijab showed that no matter how old I am, I am still his little girl and to give me away to another man was a bit hard for him…even though he had been forcing me to get married since many years ago.
Once we were officially married, we had our small reception. It began with a small tradition in my husband’s place called Saweran. People, mostly kids and women, were gathering behind us trying to catch coins being thrown by my husband’s family.
After that, we had our lunch where we talked and laughed with family and close friends. I really enjoyed every minute of my wedding. I moved around talking and laughing…it was surely the kind of wedding I dream of.
My simple wedding didn’t cost much and that’s why we only need 3 months to save up. We didn’t use our parents money at all. AND we didn’t have to deal with all the fuss that most people feel when getting married. We didn’t worry about choosing the right wedding invitation or the right flower or the right catering or any other reception related things. We didn’t have anything to worry about.
After the wedding, we received a lot of questions “why didn’t you invite us?” … our answer was and still is very simple, because we didn’t have big reception, it was only akad and small gathering.
Typical Indonesian wedding reception invites hundreds to thousand of guests…while ours, probably less than 100.
My wedding definitely not the kind of wedding that most Indonesian women want to have, but for me it’s my dream wedding 🙂