Polychrome Interest

A Random Blog of Everything I like

Aqeela and Me – Chapter 1: The Castle

“We’re here! Wake up kids!”

I wasn’t even sleeping, I was only closing my eyes to avoid any unnecessary conversation. I hated the fact that we have to move to this God forsaken land. Away from everyone I know and everything I am comfortable with. She kept telling us that our new house would be much bigger than the old house. She was so eager to move here and so happy to ruin my perfect life. I didn’t mind small house as long as I could hang out with my friends. She was the one who wanted a bigger house but pretended that it was also better for us. I hated her for this.

“Mia! Andy! Wake up!” Mom shook us, “Look! Isn’t that house pretty?” she was beaming with happiness.

My brother took one look and shrugged,  “yeah, it’s not bad.”

“Not bad? You’ve got to be joking! Wait until you see your rooms!”

The house was indeed much bigger than our old one. I actually like its light blue color, it had the same color as the sky, my favorite color. To be honest, I quite like the house but I wasn’t about to admit it to her. I kept my mouth shut as Mom eagerly pushed us toward the house.

Inside the house was warm and comfy. The furniture that came with the house was a bit old. Mom took us straight to second floor. She wanted to show us our rooms.

“There are three rooms here,” she began like a tour guide, “this one is mine.” She was pointing to the room near the stairs. “Those two are yours. You don’t have to share room anymore,” her smile showed her genuine happiness. I love her smile and it made me smile back at her despite the fact I still hated her for taking us here.

“Mom! Can this be my room?” Andy opened the door right next to mom’s room. “This room is awesome!”

“I know you will like that one.”

I peeked inside and saw a stunning drawing of an old castle.  The view was incredible even though it was drawn only in black. The castle was located on the edge of a cliff. There was a river running next to it, the stream went all the way to the cliff and created waterfalls. A ray of sunlight peeked between a heavy clouded sky. It was all in black but somehow it felt colorful. The drawing filled the left side wall. I wished I had picked this room before him, but he looked so happy.

“It’s awesome, isn’t it?” Andy’s eyes were shining.

“I wonder who had drawn this.” I asked no one in particular.

“She, the real estate agent, told me that this house used to belong to an old couple with a son who never left the house.” Mom began to explain it to us. “He had this skin condition where he must stay away from sunlight. One day, he started acting weird. He walked all around the house as if he was looking for something. His parents asked him what he was looking for and he told them that he must go back to the castle, he must find the gate to the castle. They didn’t understand what he was saying. He locked himself inside his room for a week and then the drawing was there.”

“You’re making this up, aren’t you?” I eyed her suspiciously.

“Why would I wanna do that? I asked her about the drawing when I got here and that’s what she told me.”

“I don’t care about the story. This is just too freakin cool!” Andy traced the drawing with his fingers.

“What happened after he drew the castle?”

“She said the boy became awfully distant, it’s as if he no longer care with anything but the castle. His parent took him somewhere and sold the house. And that’s why I got this house for a low price.” She winked at me. “The story sort of makes people scared.”

A gate to the castle, is there really a gate in this house. I was beginning to like this house. “I want to see my room now.”

Mom took me to the last room on the second floor. I opened the door and expected to see something as wonderful as the castle.

But there was nothing but a cabinet and a single bed in my room. I wished I had the castle room.

*********************

So…I finally begin my serial🙂

I have written the story back in 2011 under the same title but it was left unfinished…shame on me. This time, I am planning to finish it. I will add a cover for this monthly serial once I’ve found the perfect image.

This is my first attempt to try writing something longer that a short story.

Since I am not a native, feel free to correct my grammar🙂 I need all the correction I can get. And I am also open to all the critic you can give me. This is my learning process.

Thank you for reading. Aqeela and Me will return on May 18.

Updated (April 26, 2013)

Here’s my cover🙂

Castle_by_cool_tery

Image belongs to cool-tery.deviantart.com

About Novroz

I actively maintained 2 blogs. My personal blog is about things that I love: Turtles, Books, Movies, Music, Larc en Ciel, Muse, Cillian Murphy, The Mighty Boosh and many more. I also help my 3 super cute turtles, Kroten, Papoe and Kurome, to maintain their own blog: http://kamekroten.wordpress.com

20 comments on “Aqeela and Me – Chapter 1: The Castle

  1. Alice Audrey
    April 20, 2013

    You sure you want your grammar corrected? I spotted three or four errors and some arguables. The only one I got hung up on is ” Mom was shaking our body” I thought maybe the narrator was a Siamese twin, or a split personality, or an alien pod creature. Knowing your write fantasy, it could be anything. So the strangeness of the phrasing set up an expectation that lingered at the back of my mind for a while. I think it should probably be something like, “Mom shook us.”

    I’m kind of disappointing there wasn’t something like a gate in her room. It means she will probably lose her brother. I have no idea if she likes him or not. When I thought they might be pod creatures, I assumed they would be very close. They must get along fairly well and she must like him to some degree because she didn’t argue about the rooms and actually valued his smile. But that could turn out to be completely wrong.

    I’m looking forward to next month, and welcome to The Serialists!

    • Novroz
      April 20, 2013

      Oh yes please. I am used to correcting student’s grammar and when it comes to my own writing I often missed the mistakes.

      I see what you meant about the shake, I will fix it soon.

      What do you mean by Pod Creature? And why do you think she will lose her brother?

      She really likes her brother and dislikes arguing. So she is not going to fight for the room even though she gets a plain room.

      Thank you for reading and the advice, Audrey. Much appreciated.

      • Alice Audrey
        April 22, 2013

        Pod creatures is where some alien plant form creates people/animals that mimic the real one (often by capturing a sample then mass reproducing it) which are then released into the world to wreck havoc. It’s from an old (1950’s?) movie. I just meant that there were a lot of off the wall possibilities opened up by the phrasing.

        • Novroz
          April 23, 2013

          Thank you for explaining Audrey🙂
          Yeah I got your point and fixed it straight away😉

  2. Nina
    April 20, 2013

    Lololol, I’m pretty used to completing something longer than a short story, but I was going through all my blog documents and I realised (to my utter disbelief) that I’d completely neglected one particular story – a serial I started last year haha, well I’m going to get back to it, and you! I shall keep watching out for the coming parts😀 looking good so far!

    • Novroz
      April 21, 2013

      Fortunately you found the story again😉 will you continue it now?

      Thank you for Reading, Nina. I hope I can keep it up to more than 5 chapters…this is very challenging for me.

      • Nina
        April 21, 2013

        Yes I did! And I definitely will! I thought it was going okay, so I don’t know why I stopped. Haha, right now, I’m actually continuing with the next part. Took a while refreshing my memory though😛

        Sure! I shall keep checking in🙂. You can do it!

        • Novroz
          April 23, 2013

          Give the link to the beginning of the series when you finally publish it, I would love to read it and starting in the middle won’t be fun😉

          • Nina
            April 23, 2013

            🙂 Sure will, all the posts have the links of the other parts at the bottom. The funny thing is, it’s in reverse order – like you’re on part 5 but there’s no link to part 6, but links to parts 1,2,3,4. LOL But I sure will!!! If I finish this part tonight it might up tonight😀

          • Novroz
            April 23, 2013

            Not funny at all, I did the same too😉 fortunately, there is something called pingback😉

          • Nina
            April 23, 2013

            Yesss fortunately !!!! I don’t know what I’d do without pingback😀

  3. Gray Dawster
    April 20, 2013

    there is no need to correct your grammar Miss. Novia it reads very well my sweet friend and I am pleased that you have offered your story here for us to read, how wonderful🙂 I think that searching for the most perfect cover will prove to be the hardest part, as there are so many different images available but I know that you will choose wisely🙂 Have a lovely weekend🙂 xxx

    • Novroz
      April 21, 2013

      Thank you so much Andro…but I know my limit as I wasn’t born with English on my tongue. I still have a lot to learn.
      You are already an expert in finding image for your stories, I should learn from you😉

  4. oldegg
    April 23, 2013

    This first chapter of the serial has tremendous possibilities. I am already anticipating the future chapters and the effect the house and the mystery that it surely contains will have on the family especially Mia. Already the title seems to anticipate a new friendship but I wonder who with?

    • Novroz
      April 23, 2013

      Thank you for reading, Robin🙂
      I took a peek on your blog…wow, you are so creative. Will read your latest writing soon.

      Thank you for the compliment, I am still crossing my fingers and hoping I can continue it earlier than a month. First try on a series is a bit nerve breaking.

  5. Caroline
    April 25, 2013

    That’s a very promising beginning. It has a lot of potential I wonder will something come out of the catse drawing and infilter our wordl or will someone use it as a portal. I’ll have to find out.🙂

    • Novroz
      April 26, 2013

      Thank you Caroline🙂
      I think you have read the original a couple of years ago…I am expanding the story now as the last time was left hanging.

  6. Pingback: Aqeela and Me: Chapter 2 – The Photograph | Polychrome Interest

  7. Kitten
    November 1, 2013

    I’ve got to say, I’m in love with your work! I’ve only read this chapter and several of your other writing so far. I hope you don’t mind me criticizing your spelling and grammar. I noticed a few so far, like “I didn’t mind small house” and “Look! Is that house pretty?” Along with “the room near the stair” and “created waterfall”. Shouldn’t they be “I didn’t mind a small house” and “Look! Isn’t our house pretty?” Along with “the room near the stairs” and “created a waterfall”?

    • Novroz
      November 1, 2013

      Hi Kitten,
      Thank you for reading my stories🙂
      I don’t mind at all, in fact I am grateful to have free editor😉 I didn’t even realized I made those errors… although “I didn’t mind a small house” will stay I didn’t mind small house because I meant in general.

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