Polychrome Interest

A Random Blog of Everything I like

Creative Writing (Finally) : Conscience

Yatta!!! My creative mind is back!! It might not be my best but at least it comes back😉

I have been losing inspiration since my Mom died and then followed by my dear pet, Kame…losing two of my precious family members really snapped my creative mind. I couldn’t think of any story to write.

Seeing this week’s writing prompt at Creative Writing Ink somehow triggered my brain a little.

Conscience

Eugh…what a dirty old man. Stay away from me.
Why does he have to stand so close to me?
And what’s with that look?
STOP IT!!
Stop it you creepy old man!!

Wait…
Does he know something?
Can he see  my thoughts?
Does he see something in me?
I really don’t like the way he looks at me.

I didn’t do anything
stop looking at me
It was for my own good
I had to do it
stop accusing me with your look

I know he was my brother but I had to do it
I am innocent

LOOK!! he was going to disinherit me and take all my money away
I had to kill him
You don’t understand how important it is
You CAN’T ACCUSE ME!!!
You DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING!!

Why is he lifting his hand now?
Ow God, he is going to tell everyone what I had done
DON’T!!
DON’T YOU DARE!!

The old man raises his hand as if he is going to point at her, then he turns his hand with his palm on top.

“do you have a quarter for me?”

Please criticize me…I need all the critics I can get. Thank you🙂

About Novroz

I actively maintained 2 blogs. My personal blog is about things that I love: Turtles, Books, Movies, Music, Larc en Ciel, Muse, Cillian Murphy, The Mighty Boosh and many more. I also help my 3 super cute turtles, Kroten, Papoe and Kurome, to maintain their own blog: http://kamekroten.wordpress.com

29 comments on “Creative Writing (Finally) : Conscience

  1. Wanda
    April 26, 2012

    What a story! Great.

  2. Alice Audrey
    April 26, 2012

    Ok, attempt #4. Let see if we can get the comment form working this time.

    • Alice Audrey
      April 26, 2012

      Yipee!

      Ok, now for a real comment.

      I like the way you took a Tell-Tale-Heart (Edgar Allen Poe) type story and twisted the ending with him begging for a coin. I kind of want to see what she does next, but that really wouldn’t be necessary.

      A little quibble – “Can he see pass through me?” is not grammatical.

      • Novroz
        April 26, 2012

        Thank you for being patience with the comment form Audrey🙂

        I really need to read Poe one of these days. He was the inspiration of many horror and thriller writers.
        When I saw the pic, his eyes were the ones that attracted me hence this story was formed.
        I was toying with an idea to add what happen next but somehow leaving it like that is better.

        Thank you for the correction, I will think of a better sentence and fix it later.

    • Novroz
      April 26, 2012

      aw…I so sorry that you have to go through so much trouble to comment.

      maybe you can just change 1 letter in your email address. It will go to approval but better than disappearing

  3. Androgoth
    April 26, 2012

    The power of thought can be frightening sometimes
    and you have captured this within the words of your
    poem… A very interesting theme…

    Indeed a very nicely written piece my friend, it is good that
    you have excelled when your thoughts have been elsewhere…

    Be very well Novroz🙂

    Androgoth Xx

    • Novroz
      April 26, 2012

      Thank you so much Andro🙂
      I need to set my mind a bit clearer before coming up with new writing material. I had the hardest time of my life.

      Thank you for reading and your kind words Andro🙂

  4. CBCondez
    April 26, 2012

    I’ll say only one thing: I’m so so SO glad you’re writing stories again! =D

    • Novroz
      April 26, 2012

      Thank you Cynthia🙂
      I am glad I can start all over again…hope it will continue.

  5. Jose
    April 26, 2012

    Great work. It’s amazing how you can transport a reader from a daily event to the dark, scary realm of human mind. And what an ending! Welcome back, and Congrats!

    • Novroz
      April 26, 2012

      Thank you for the compliment and of course for reading it Jose🙂
      It’s good to be back🙂

  6. Archana
    April 26, 2012

    liked the way you built up the feeling of panic and suspense!

    • Novroz
      April 26, 2012

      Thank you Archana for stopping by, reading and complimenting my work🙂

  7. si_ulil
    April 27, 2012

    Ooooh….nice one!!! An interesting way to depict paranoia. One moment, she was snobby and disgusted, but a moment later she was worrying, then finally she went all panicking. And I like the timing you made to use the exclamation marks on some sentences. It makes ‘hearing’ her thoughts so much better. Job very, very well done.

    • Novroz
      April 27, 2012

      Thank you Lan🙂
      I tried making it into a full short…but the effect is not as good as this one…although I wouldn’t say this is my best…but I like it this way and I am glad you like it. And thank you so much for giving me such compliment🙂

      • si_ulil
        April 27, 2012

        I wouldn’t give a comment you don’t deserve, would I?🙂
        So I guess this is a comeback, huh?😉

        • Novroz
          April 28, 2012

          I hope so🙂 … tho the creative mind has to quit for a while as Laruku takes over my full attention😉

  8. TBM
    April 27, 2012

    I’m so glad you are writing again! I love the story…at first I wasn’t sure where you were going to take it, but I enjoyed the sense of overwhelming guilt and how it ended. You should read Poe. I think you might really appreciate his stories.

    • Novroz
      April 28, 2012

      Thank you soo much TBM…I am glad I can write again🙂
      I have been meaning to but I still haven’t bought it yet…but I will one day🙂

  9. Caroline
    April 27, 2012

    Oh how surprising… That really took an unexpected turn. I thought it was going to be different, about prejudice but it’s interesting like this.

    • Novroz
      April 29, 2012

      Thank you Caroline🙂
      The moment I saw that man’s face, I felt like he is accusing me of something…and that’s how this story came out😉

  10. DEZMOND
    April 29, 2012

    conscience always punishes the guilty ones

    • Novroz
      April 30, 2012

      Hear hear!!
      that’s the main idea why this story came out.
      thank you for reading Dezz

  11. Deboshree
    May 13, 2012

    Splendid work, N. A very well-told tale of how our conscience never leaves us alone and can make the most humdrum situations scary. I like! Do write more often.😀

    • Novroz
      May 14, 2012

      Thank you so much Debo. I am trying to write more but I still have inconsistent idea, sometimes it shows up sometimes it doesn’t😉

  12. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    September 14, 2013

    I have only just now realised the passing of your Mother. I am sorry, Novroz. And your pet. That would have been a very difficult time.

    This story is great! No. 1, love the photo – perfect, but then the ending, how he just asks for a quarter. Really enjoyed it. Excellent🙂

    • Novroz
      September 15, 2013

      Thank you Noeleen🙂
      Both my friends from the net and the real worls helped me get through the pain…I still miss them a lot but I am moving on.

      It’s always a pleasure to know someone likes my story🙂 thank you.

Say something so I know you have read my post, THANK YOU for reading :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on April 26, 2012 by in Short Story & Others and tagged , , .

Categories

Movie Event

Thank you for following me :)

Join 2,511 other followers

Check these books!

RSS Celoteh Siswa

  • Kepribadian
    Hari ini, guru Bahasa Indonesia di sekolah meminta anak2 kelas 6 untuk membuat kalimat dengan menggunakan beberapa kata, salah satunya adalah KEPRIBADIAN. Salah seorang anak membuat kalimat yang menarik ;) “Saya menyimpan kepribadian saya di locker”

COPYRIGHT

© Polychrome Interest [bokunosekai.wordpress.com]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material and/or photographs without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. All requests to republish excerpts, articles, or photos must be made to the blog owner/author.

Top Rated

Tweeeeeettttt

Goodreads