Creative Writing (Finally) : Conscience
Yatta!!! My creative mind is back!! It might not be my best but at least it comes back ๐
I have been losing inspiration since my Mom died and then followed by my dear pet, Kame…losing two of my precious family members really snapped my creative mind. I couldn’t think of any story to write.
Seeing this week’s writing prompt at Creative Writing Ink somehow triggered my brain a little.
Conscience
Eugh…what a dirty old man. Stay away from me.
Why does he have to stand so close to me?
And what’s with that look?
STOP IT!!
Stop it you creepy old man!!
Wait…
Does he know something?
Can he seeย my thoughts?
Does he see something in me?
I really don’t like the way he looks at me.
I didn’t do anything
stop looking at me
It was for my own good
I had to do it
stop accusing me with your look
I know he was my brother but I had to do it
I am innocent
LOOK!! he was going to disinherit me and take all my money away
I had to kill him
You don’t understand how important it is
You CAN’T ACCUSE ME!!!
You DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING!!
Why is he lifting his hand now?
Ow God, he is going to tell everyone what I had done
DON’T!!
DON’T YOU DARE!!
The old man raises his hand as if he is going to point at her, then he turns his hand with his palm on top.
“do you have a quarter for me?”
Please criticize me…I need all the critics I can get. Thank you ๐
About Novroz
29 comments on “Creative Writing (Finally) : Conscience”
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What a story! Great.
Thank you Wanda ๐
Ok, attempt #4. Let see if we can get the comment form working this time.
Yipee!
Ok, now for a real comment.
I like the way you took a Tell-Tale-Heart (Edgar Allen Poe) type story and twisted the ending with him begging for a coin. I kind of want to see what she does next, but that really wouldn’t be necessary.
A little quibble – “Can he see pass through me?” is not grammatical.
Thank you for being patience with the comment form Audrey ๐
I really need to read Poe one of these days. He was the inspiration of many horror and thriller writers.
When I saw the pic, his eyes were the ones that attracted me hence this story was formed.
I was toying with an idea to add what happen next but somehow leaving it like that is better.
Thank you for the correction, I will think of a better sentence and fix it later.
aw…I so sorry that you have to go through so much trouble to comment.
maybe you can just change 1 letter in your email address. It will go to approval but better than disappearing
Interesting Idea. I’m going to try it now.
The power of thought can be frightening sometimes
and you have captured this within the words of your
poem… A very interesting theme…
Indeed a very nicely written piece my friend, it is good that
you have excelled when your thoughts have been elsewhere…
Be very well Novroz ๐
Androgoth Xx
Thank you so much Andro ๐
I need to set my mind a bit clearer before coming up with new writing material. I had the hardest time of my life.
Thank you for reading and your kind words Andro ๐
I’ll say only one thing: I’m so so SO glad you’re writing stories again! =D
Thank you Cynthia ๐
I am glad I can start all over again…hope it will continue.
Great work. It’s amazing how you can transport a reader from a daily event to the dark, scary realm of human mind. And what an ending! Welcome back, and Congrats!
Thank you for the compliment and of course for reading it Jose ๐
It’s good to be back ๐
liked the way you built up the feeling of panic and suspense!
Thank you Archana for stopping by, reading and complimenting my work ๐
Ooooh….nice one!!! An interesting way to depict paranoia. One moment, she was snobby and disgusted, but a moment later she was worrying, then finally she went all panicking. And I like the timing you made to use the exclamation marks on some sentences. It makes ‘hearing’ her thoughts so much better. Job very, very well done.
Thank you Lan ๐
I tried making it into a full short…but the effect is not as good as this one…although I wouldn’t say this is my best…but I like it this way and I am glad you like it. And thank you so much for giving me such compliment ๐
I wouldn’t give a comment you don’t deserve, would I? ๐
So I guess this is a comeback, huh? ๐
I hope so ๐ … tho the creative mind has to quit for a while as Laruku takes over my full attention ๐
I’m so glad you are writing again! I love the story…at first I wasn’t sure where you were going to take it, but I enjoyed the sense of overwhelming guilt and how it ended. You should read Poe. I think you might really appreciate his stories.
Thank you soo much TBM…I am glad I can write again ๐
I have been meaning to but I still haven’t bought it yet…but I will one day ๐
Oh how surprising… That really took an unexpected turn. I thought it was going to be different, about prejudice but it’s interesting like this.
Thank you Caroline ๐
The moment I saw that man’s face, I felt like he is accusing me of something…and that’s how this story came out ๐
conscience always punishes the guilty ones
Hear hear!!
that’s the main idea why this story came out.
thank you for reading Dezz
Splendid work, N. A very well-told tale of how our conscience never leaves us alone and can make the most humdrum situations scary. I like! Do write more often. ๐
Thank you so much Debo. I am trying to write more but I still have inconsistent idea, sometimes it shows up sometimes it doesn’t ๐
I have only just now realised the passing of your Mother. I am sorry, Novroz. And your pet. That would have been a very difficult time.
This story is great! No. 1, love the photo – perfect, but then the ending, how he just asks for a quarter. Really enjoyed it. Excellent ๐
Thank you Noeleen ๐
Both my friends from the net and the real worls helped me get through the pain…I still miss them a lot but I am moving on.
It’s always a pleasure to know someone likes my story ๐ thank you.