Polychrome Interest

A Random Blog of Everything I like

Short Story: Michael

My last short was a series,I know that I should continue that series…but it seemed that the pictures from Creative Writing Ink keeps of drifting away from my story, Aqeela and Me. I am not going to abandon it because I have the idea how the story goes here in my head…but I need a picture to continue it.

For now, I decided to do another story. The kind I  am good at, Thriller…or maybe this time you can call it as Romantic Thriller, if such genre exist 😉
This story is highly influenced by Full Dark No Star by Stephen King.

It’s a bit long…I hope I didn’t drift too far. I am trying to write longer short now. Tell me what you think of it, give me the worst you can come up with. This is the first draft, do let me know if there are some typos. Thanks 🙂

This week’s picture from Creative Writing Prompt is


“He did it!!” shouted Michael, “I swear he did it! He threw a lighter into my sister’s room! Why can’t you believe me?”

“Michael, Listen!” The DA said, “There weren’t enough evidence and you are not an eligible witness. Your words won’t win against his words”. The DA looked so sad. He believed Michael but the law is the law and he had no proof.


“Hi, my name is Jack. I am here for the interview,” Jack put his best smile to charm the interviewer. He had been rehearsing his possible answers because he wanted to get the job really bad. It would be a good opportunity for his future career. Working as the assistant of one of the most successful man in city would ensure him  a great path towards a bright future. The interview lasted for about half an hour.

A week later, Jack was called back to meet Mr. Roan in person. He was the owner of the biggest retailing company in the city. People said that he was an arrogant and annoying man. He kept changing his assistant for the same reason over and over again, they were not competent enough. Jack charmed Mr. Roan. He was impressed with everything Jack said. Jack’s resume was also flawless. He thought maybe Jack could be his first competent assistant.

Jack started working in the company the next day. Jack worked really fast and efficient. He swallowed every bad words directed at him by Mr. Roan. Although Jack was Mr. Roan’s dream assistant, but he won’t admit it that easy. The thing was, he had reputation to keep.


A beautiful woman with long black hair opened the door.

“Excuse me, I am Jack. Your dad asked me to pick something he left at home.”

“My dad? How can you be so sure I am my dad’s daughter, whoever this dad is!” she said a teasing smile painted on her face.

Jack was a bit lost before he realized that she was teasing him. He smiled, “You know, I have seen your photos everywhere in your dad’s office.”

“Ah..ah..Busted!” she smiled back. “I’m Kayla. You must be daddy’s new assistant he’s been talking about.” Kayla gestured at jack to follow her.

“He talks about me?” Jack asked, “Nothing good, I supposed.”

“On contrary, he praised you as one of his reliable assistants. And I can assure you so few of reliable assistants.” Kayla emphasized the word so while smiling.

“Really?” Jack tried to look surprise, Kayla didn’t see his instant smile of victory. “He always scolds me and keeps saying how terrible my works are.”

“Well…that’s daddy!! He doesn’t want to look weak by admitting you did a great job.

“You seemed to know so much about your dad.”

Kayla handed Jack the forgotten paper that Mr. Roan forgot to bring. She smiled and said, “Let’s just say, to him I am always his little baby.”

There was something about Jack that attracted Kayla. Jack seemed to have the same feeling at her. Since that day, they often went somewhere together. Mr. Roan didn’t say anything because his forgotten paper was meant to be forgotten.


“Urgh…where am I?” Kayla woke up with a heavy head. She remembered falling asleep on Jack’s bed but what she saw now was not Jack’s room. The room was filthy, the reminiscence of a burned house. She could see tall building through the window. She knew some of the buildings. She wasn’t too far from the city after all.


The sound hurt her head even more. She looked for the source or the sound and found a man dribbling a basket ball leisurely, taking his time as if he had a tough opponent in front of him. She recognized his feature. “Jack, where are we?”

Kayla tried to get up but she could, she was tied from the neck down. “Welcome to my house Kayla. Isn’t the view lovely?” Jack turned his body to face her. He was smiling his sweet smile. “This was my room. I shared this room with my twin sister, Michelle. She was a nice girl. A bit weak but very sweet. All I wanted to do was to protect her from any harm. We were so close together.”

Kayla explored the house with her eyes.”Why is it burned? And why am I tied like this?” Somehow, Kayla could guess the answers to her questions. It chilled her but she still wanted to hear it from Jack’s mouth.

“Once upon a time,” Jack squatted in front of Kayla who a lying helplessly on the floor. “A man passed outside that window. He looked around, judging whether anyone saw him or not. When he was sure no one saw him, he threw a lighter into this room. The problem was, the lighter was lighted and it hit the oil lamp on that small table.” Jack pointed to a non-existent table. “The fire spread with high speed, swallowing my sister in flame.” He moved his face closer to Kayla’s. “My mom tried to save her but she was also caught in the fire. My dad carried me out and when he went back inside to save them, a cabinet fell down and hit him. Odd, don’t you think? It was a fire, not an earthquake.” Jack moved closer and started whispering in her ear, “and the worst past was The Killer got away!”

“And you think my dad is the killer?”

“I DON’T think he is the killer, I KNOW he is the killer because I… FUCKING… SAW… HIM!!”

“But Jack, the court proved him innocent.” Kayla tried to sooth him. She looked at him and despite all Michael could still see her love toward him.

He stepped back and stood erect, “My name is Michael.  Don’t EVER call me Jack again!!”

“He didn’t do it Jack!! And if he did, I bet he felt sorry now,” she begged.

“Sorry?” Michael squatted in front of Kayla again, “Sorry you said? That fucking pig didn’t feel sorry at all!! I made him drunk two weeks ago, I wanted to be sure that it was all a mistake and he didn’t do it. I started to like him and you, of course. But that pig blurted it all out, he felt no regret at all for killing his partner because he wanted to start his empire by himself. Your father laughed at it, he thought he was so fucking clever. That night, I wanted to squeezed his neck and blow his head to pieces. But I contained myself. I need to get back to my original plan. I …”

“I’m sorry for what my dad did to your family,” Kayla cut his words, “But revenge brings nothing, it won’t bring your family back.”

“No it won’t. But it won’t bring his family back either. Don’t worry dear Kayla, I won’t kill your daddy. His death will only bring him happiness…and that’s why you here. He loves you more than anything as I love my sister more than anything. He took the one I love the most and I will take the one he loves the most…you!

For the first time since she met him, she finally understood why Jack was always so distance. Kayla tried to struggle. She knew then that she had to escape from him. She tried to free her hand from the rope that bound her.  But the bind was too strong. Apart from her hands, Michael had also wrapped her body with sheet to avoid any unexpected action from Kayla. Even if Kayla could untie her hands, she still couldn’t get out from the sheet around her body.

Kayla felt hopeless. She tried talking to his heart. “Don’t you love me Jack? Even just for a moment?”

Michael snorted, “Jack might love you once, but not me!!”

Michael took something from his pocket and laid it down near Kayla’s face. “This is your father’s murder weapon.” It was a burned lighter. “An eye for an eye, you will die the same way as my sister and my parents. Don’t worry, I will be there to comfort your grieving father. He will love me like I am his own son. And you can see from heaven how I tear his life bits by bits till he has nothing. I want him to feel the pain that I had been carrying for the past 20 years.”

He kissed Kayla’s cheek and closed her mouth with a cloth tape. Kayla looked back at her, her eyes were full of pity and sadness for both Michael’s lost soul and her own life. She still couldn’t fully hate him, even when he started pouring down gasoline onto her body. She tried her final hopeless struggle.

“Bye bye love!”

About Novroz

I actively maintained 2 blogs. My personal blog is about things that I love: Turtles, Books, Movies, Music, Larc en Ciel, Muse, Cillian Murphy, The Mighty Boosh and many more. I also help my 3 super cute turtles, Kroten, Papoe and Kurome, to maintain their own blog: http://kamekroten.wordpress.com

24 comments on “Short Story: Michael

  1. Wanda
    November 30, 2011

    Oh, Novroz, maybe you will be another Agatha Christie one day?

    • Novroz
      November 30, 2011

      Thank Wanda, but I prefer to be the next Stephen King 😉
      This story is inspired by his book, Full Dark No Star.

      • Wanda
        November 30, 2011

        Good luck, Novroz. I am not Stephen King’s admirer, so did not detect.

        • Novroz
          November 30, 2011

          Thanks…it’s a loooooong way to get there 😉

  2. le0pard13
    November 30, 2011

    Wonderfully written short story, Novroz. Now, about its title ;-).

    • Novroz
      November 30, 2011

      aha…SK has Christine, My friend has Eve, I once have Alice…I guess it’s time for a Michael 😉
      Does he sound anything like you, Mike? lol.

      Thank you for reading, Michael…and for lending your name 😉

  3. Michael Sheehan
    November 30, 2011

    very stacato style.
    1.Do you mean evident or evidence?
    2. Should it be “a great path towards a bright future.”

    • Novroz
      November 30, 2011

      Hi Michael…I guess this story draws more than 1 Michael 😉

      I googled stacato but could find anything, can you please kindly explain it.
      Thank you so much for the corrections, both corrections are the right one. I will fix it later during my lunch break.
      Thank you for reading and correcting my story, Michael 🙂

      • Deboshree
        November 30, 2011

        I agree with Michael. Staccato – as in disconnected parts or scenes put together – describes this style the best. I loved how you told this, err rather morbid? tale. Reminds me of Baazigar – a vintage Hindi film starring Shahrukh Khan. 😀
        Keep writing Novroz…. I look forward to many more short stories!

        • Novroz
          November 30, 2011

          Thank you for explaining the Staccato meaning Deboshree 🙂
          Now I fully understand.

          hmm…a rather morbid tale, so it seems 😉 I have a thing for morbid tale, and for that please blame Mr. Stephen King 😉
          Thank you for reading and the compliment Deb (can I short your name into Deb?), it’s an honor as I know how great you are in writing.

  4. Neinei
    November 30, 2011

    The open-ended ending makes me wonder if Michael will surely burn Kayla… 🙂

    • Novroz
      December 1, 2011

      To know that, you have to think like Michael 😉
      Thank you for reading Neinei

  5. Caroline
    December 3, 2011

    It’s quite good, quite dark, so definitely more King than Christie but the Christie comparison was also meant as a compliment.
    Now I wonder how old is Michael when his sister dies?
    Would he not be too old for being an assisstant?

    • Novroz
      December 3, 2011

      Thank you Caroline 🙂
      Yeah I know that Christie comparison is also a good compliment, he is a great mystery author.
      His sister died when he was 5, that’s why he was not good enough to be a witness, but the memory carved deeply in his mind and made him unable to forget the face of the murderer even till he grew up.

      • Caroline
        December 3, 2011

        I don’t know why I didn’t get his age at the time of the crime… ):

        • Novroz
          December 4, 2011

          I didn’t mention the age clearly,it was implicit.

  6. Tim Jones
    December 5, 2011

    This is a chilling little story! The only thing that didn’t work for me was that Kayla seemed very passive. Even though she loved Jack, I think she would have made some attempt to escape – being burnt alive is a horrible way to die, and I can’t imagine anyone would submit to that fate willingly.

    I’d be interested to know – did you think about making Kayla trying to escape, or fight back, and how would that change the story?

    • Novroz
      December 5, 2011

      Ah…now that you’ve mentioned it, Kayla does seem too passive. When I wanted Kayla to be someone pity Michael instead of hating him…but I guessed I have made her accepted her deadly faith too easy. I’ll be more careful next time. I will write extra sentences that showed her trying to escape.

      No, it’s impossible for Kayla to escape because she was bound so tight. Michael had planned it all so well. How could a person untied herself? The only way she could fight back is by trying to wriggle herself out with not much success.

      Thank you so much for spending your time to read and analyze my story, Tim.You always gave me good advices.

  7. si_ulil
    December 12, 2011

    This reminds me of your previous work. I forgot the title, but it was the one with the picture of a masked figure. I guess some elements were there on purpose, such as how the victim is female again and how she woke up tied on a bed.

    I honestly preferred the first story compared to this. I’m NOT saying this one is bad! In fact, this is a pretty good job. I guess the similarities made me lean more towards the first one. (maksudnya lebih condong ke cerita yg pertama, tp bahasa inggrisnya jadi belibet! hahaha)

    • Novroz
      December 12, 2011

      Wow!! so glad you remember that!! It does a bit the same…well at least on the kidnaper and the victim part. The different is one is a psycho while this one is more on the revenge side.

      Honestly, I am with you, I like the serial killer better. Serial Killers are more interesting and complicated.

      Thank you for reading Lan 🙂

  8. CBCondez
    December 14, 2011

    You really have the talent for coming up with stories like this, Nov. Good job!

    Although what bothers me is the thing about Michael not being an eligible witness. I don’t think anyone is really ineligible — he was there, he saw what happened, etc. I think it would work better if “the culprit” has a very good alibi that contradicts Michael’s statement, that the accused is a powerful individual, that his attorneys had done a good job in discrediting Michael (therefore effectively shedding doubt on his statement), and such like. And the DA was such a wimp, having given up on him and the case so easily. (Sorry, I love John Grisham so the legal issue is what caught me the most in your story.)

    But other than that little snag, I totally enjoyed your story! 🙂

    • Novroz
      December 14, 2011

      Thank you for reading and your compliment CB 🙂

      What a great input…thank you so much.I read Grisham long time ago and I know nothing about law. Your information is really helpful. I will change the story a bit so that it will be according to the law you have mentioned. Feel free to always give me some ‘bother’ , it helps me a lot 😉

  9. dhitzunako
    January 7, 2012

    Hi, Nov. Hehe, sorry for not visiting your blog and your stories for the past months. T.T
    Well, the story paced too fast, IMHO. Maybe because you already told us that this will be a romantic thriller dan (hehe pake bhs Indonesia aja ah), romansanya ga terlalu kerasa karena, ya, emang susah si gambarin hubungan mereka dalam cerita pendek. Sehingga kematian si Kayla ga terlalu ngenes, wehehe.
    *off to your “A Fairy Tale” 🙂

    • Novroz
      January 8, 2012

      Hi Dhitz 🙂
      Gapapa, gw paham kok,dirimu pasti lagi sibuk (jadi inget gw mau baca cerita 6 halaman lo tapi tiba2 hilang sinyal n belum dilanjutin lagi. Nanti gw lanjutin ah).Iya sih, seharusnya gw bikin perasaan mereka lebih terasa tapi nanti malah kepanjangan. Tapi makasih buat sarannya, bisa dijadiin masukan buat memperpanjang cerita kalo gw dah siap bikin cerita pendek yang terdiri dari beberapa halaman 🙂

Say something so I know you have read my post, THANK YOU for reading :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on November 30, 2011 by in Short Story & Others and tagged , , , , .


Movie Event

Thank you for following me :)

Join 1,177 other followers

Check these books!

RSS Celoteh Siswa

  • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.


© Polychrome Interest [bokunosekai.wordpress.com]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material and/or photographs without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. All requests to republish excerpts, articles, or photos must be made to the blog owner/author.