Polychrome Interest

A Random Blog of Everything I like

My 6th Shorts: Behind The Hood

I have never thought that writing short story is addictive. As I have said in my Short Story Page, I often have idea of a story but never really put them in paper…who would have thought that once I did it, I will become addicted. Been wanting to write new story but I was so busy, one thing came after another and writing a story requires full concentration. So glad I have something in my mind and time to write it.

Ever since I saw Debbie’s painting of Androgoth, I have this vague idea of a scary story…it hadn’t taken real shape yet till 2 days ago. And then I saw this week’s picture in Writing Ink, everything clicked together at the same time. I have my character and I have the place. I am also going to borrow my friend’s name for one of the characters…Caroline, I hope you don’t mind I borrow your name🙂

I will not put Debbie’s painting in the beginning of the story as it will give more dramatic effect to put it in the end of the story. Writing Ink’s picture is perfect in the beginning.

I should warn you that … it’s a thriller story, so brace yourself😉

Behind The Hood

Gasping for breath, Caroline kept running as fast as she could. The man she was chasing seemed to out run her. She knew that he knew the park too well. He knew when to avoid every branches and stones, obstacles that kept slowing Caroline down. She swore she will not let him escape. She ignored all the bruises she got for running after him. The fog was getting thicker by the minute and the pine wood was getting denser, but she still won’t slow her pace.

***

When Caroline decided to join homicide department, she knew she would see ugly things men did to other human being. However, what she saw six months ago was beyond ugly, it was the most gruesome murder she had ever witnessed. The man was lying on his back; he was wrapped tightly inside a plastic bag. She thought the plastic bag was to prevent the man from struggling against his capturer. Then she saw his face or what left of it, there was blood everywhere but she still could see that there was no face underneath that blood. The whitish part of his skull was clearly visible. Whoever killed him had taken away his face. Further investigation reported that the victim was still alive when the perpetrator peeled the victim’s face. Caroline almost threw up on the scene but she managed to control herself, she had to maintain her dignity as a tough cop.

The investigation was going nowhere as there was almost no clue about the killer. Two months later, another body with the same condition was found not far from the pine wood forest. The founding of the second body made the killer known as Faceoff Killer.

Caroline and her partner, Nick, were in charge of the investigation. They could hardly find any similarity of both victims, except the fact that they no longer had face. The first victim was a banker and the second victim was a homeless. They didn’t have similar face or facial bone. One thing that connected them both was the place, both were found near the Pine-wood park.

Two months after the finding of the second body, the third body was found South part of the Pine-wood park. The third body was of a young handsome man. Caroline saw evidence that the man had struggled hard against his capturer. There was a stabbing mark on his stomach and bruises were found all over his body. She could see clearly that the cutting off of his face was not done in neat way as before. She secretly admired that young man and somehow wished she could have met him before the incident.

The two months interval gave them new lead. Policemen were found patrolling near the park, no one was allowed to go near the park till they captured the killer. Caroline and Nick were one of the police that patrolled near the park.

“I am going to find us some coffee,” Nick said, “You wait here and don’t try to be a hero, kay!!

Okay Dad!” teased Caroline.

Half an hour later, she heard a scream. She tried calling Nick but there was no answer. She told headquarter that she heard a scream and went to check it. She went to the direction of the scream but found no one. She kept searching and finally found a baseball bat with blood on it. She was both terrified and excited. “I am going to nail this son of bitch” she thought.

Without waiting for back-up, she walked into the park. It took almost half an hour for her to find the thing that will haunt her dream forever. What she saw chilled her blood; a man in long cloak with the hood covering his face was kneeling on top of a man. There was blood around the victim’s head. The hooded man, the Faceoff Killer, had a knife in his left hand and a lump of bloody meat in his right hand. She looked at the victim, he no longer had face but she recognized his clothes, it was Nick’s. She was too shocked to move, she couldn’t believe what she had just witnessed.

The killer felt her presence. He suddenly stood up and ran leaving her behind. Caroline finally snapped out of her shock and shot the killer. It didn’t hit him. Caroline chased him into the park ignoring all the dangers that laid ahead.

***

Through the thick fog and the dense wood, she kept chasing him. She hated him so much. She would not let him see another day. “Damn this fog!!” she whispered between her breath. She didn’t realize that tears were falling from her eyes. She liked Nick a lot, he was her best friend. She would rather die than letting the killer got away.

She almost lost him because of the fog. “Where the fuck are you?” she whispered while scanning the woods around her. She heard a twig being stepped on and resumed her chase; little did she know she was being led by the killer.

Caroline finally saw the killer. He was standing with his back on her. She could see that there was cliff in front of the man. She aimed her gun at him.

Turn around, asshole!!” she shouted.

The killer turned around slowly. Blood was dripping from the meat he was holding in his right hand, the meat was Nick’s face. Seeing Nick’s face angered her even more, however there was something about the killer that terrified her so bad. Her hair was standing out of fear.

The killer lifted his head.

Oh my God,” Caroline whispered breathlessly. “What are you?

The hooded man, the faceoff killer, had no face underneath his hood.

**********************************

Click the picture to see Debbie's post

At first, I wanted to call this story as The man With No Face but that title is a major spoiler, you can easily figure out what happened in the story, to hide the spoiler I borrowed one of Stephen King’s famous books, IT. Maybe you have a better title for this story? Do share it with me, please.

Thanks to Caroline, I came out with new title: Behind The Hood

I hope I do justice to your wonderful painting Deb🙂

I think I need to share this to my personal blog’s friends (not everyone who visited this blog ever visited my turtle’s blog), my new friend, Debbie, is a talented artist. She had an amazing art blog, if I have lots of spare time, I would love to see all her art. Debbie has kindly painted my baby turtle, Kroten, in a beautiful dream. Go see the painting in her blog or Kroten’s blog🙂

As always, please give me critiques because I know I am still far from being a good writer.

I have turned this into a movie pitch with actors to play it for my Hollywood Fantasy Draft.

About Novroz

I actively maintained 2 blogs. My personal blog is about things that I love: Turtles, Books, Movies, Music, Larc en Ciel, Muse, Cillian Murphy, The Mighty Boosh and many more. I also help my 3 super cute turtles, Kroten, Papoe and Kurome, to maintain their own blog: http://kamekroten.wordpress.com

34 comments on “My 6th Shorts: Behind The Hood

  1. Debbie Adams
    September 28, 2011

    What an honor!!
    As I sit here drinking my first cup of coffee this morning, I ask myself, “Do I want to read horror at the start of my day?” “Of course I do, it’s about your own painting!!” I tell myself, with explanation. Excited, I head over hear right away, and so glad I did!
    What an amazing story, Norvoz!!
    You keep this kind of writing up on a regular basis, and you will have them published in no time at all.
    I see that you saw my painting, “Faceless,” that I offered to Androgoth, being that he likes ghouls and such, as a victim. Some saw him as a monster. Of course, I would not tell, but left the viewers to decide.
    Caroline was a very brave girl to have chased such a killer as the one described in this story! The style of the story reminds me much of the famous author, Stephen king, The unexpected ending was perfect. This killer was stealing faces, for he too had no face.
    Bravo, Norvoz!!

    Deb xx

    • Novroz
      September 29, 2011

      Ah yes the time difference, when I wrote that story it was about to get dark in my side of the world😉

      I am so happy you like the story Deb. When I saw the painting, I did see him as the victim but each day he grew more like a monster than a victim…but a vicious kind of monster. You got the message perfectly well, I tried to make him a monster with reason to kill someone not just randomly killing them. He wanted a face, that’s all.

      I am not going to deny that Stephen King has the strongest influence when I write thriller and horror. I admire him a lot.

  2. Caroline
    September 28, 2011

    I loved this story and of course I don’t mind about the name. On the contrary, it’s nice to have a powerful heroine named after you. It’s a compliment, thanks, Novia.
    This was a really gripping story. I like the writer Karin Slaughter a lot. I did remind me of her writing. I see it more a s a thriller than a horror story. It will need some corrections. Not all that many but some. Like visibly seen could be replaced by visible.
    Debbie’s painting is very uncanny.
    I’m thinking about the title. I always think it is the hardest part to find a title. It is too close to Stephen King and it’s alos a bit of a spoiler. How about “The Hood”. “Faceless” is also possible as it refers to the victims as well.
    I have written a story that is slightly similar. In German though.

    • Novroz
      September 29, 2011

      Thank you Caroline…well,you sounds like a great heroine to me😉
      Karin Slaughter, I have heard that name before but haven’t read any of hers yet. I agree,this is thriller not a horror, I consider monster and ghost as horror.
      AH…thanks for the correction,will edit it soon. Your suggestion for the title finally hit me…I have new title for it,inspired by yours…not exactly the same as your given title. Will edit this post as soon as I can.

      I would love to read one of your stories.care to share them one of these days? of course they have to be in English😉

  3. dhitzunako
    September 28, 2011

    Hi, Nov. First of all, how’s your study for the exam?😉
    Btw, I’m happy to read your thriller story again. Yay! I even didn’t think that someone will write scary stuffs based on this week Monday Memories picture.
    Now, the review….
    Since this is a short, I can’t blame you for Caroline’s and the killer encounter scene. Is this her first encounter with him? Maybe it will be better if there is a scene where Caroline met him before and you can manipulate the reader about the killer first, giving him a “fake background”, so the ending will “bam!”
    Anyway, that is just my point of view. Other than that: great Nov. I’ll wait your mystery novel😉

    • Novroz
      September 29, 2011

      Aha!! good question! Hehehe do you see my right side widget? the announcement had disappeared, I analyze the fact…I couldn’t possible pass this coming test having studied only 3 months…so I decided to take the test on July but start studying from now on…wish me luck🙂

      Yeah it is just a short story,giving background will take longer words. However, I could see that the story could evolve to more pages. Maybe I’ll try making it into a novella in the future…who knows? One of these days I really have to start writing longer stuff. Thank you for sharing your pint of view,Dhitz …I appreciate it a lot.

      Amin for the novel🙂

  4. Wanda
    September 28, 2011

    Real thriller. Like in life: sometimes beautiful scenery is dreadful. Great.

    • Novroz
      September 29, 2011

      Thank you Wanda…I guess I often turns beautiful picture into something scary😉

  5. Theresa
    September 30, 2011

    Wow! I enjoyed reading this, though gruesome, and I like the ending, which I didn’t see coming😀 I like the versatility of your blog, poems and short stories to read.🙂 I must now go and check out the art blog of Ms. Adams, I like the picture that you have used in the story!

    • Novroz
      September 30, 2011

      Thank you so much Theresa…I like your stories too. I want to try writing like you one day but I am not sure it will be as strong as yours.

      Mixing 2 pictures is fun…I want to do it again. I hope you enjoy Debbie’s art as much as I do.

  6. Nekoneko
    September 30, 2011

    Oooohhh! Another very scary one.
    Novia… you are such a nice person, but you think up such horrible things!! I am always impressed by how well you write considering English is not your first language. Only in little ways do you give that away. You get better each time you write in it.😉

    Do Kame & Kroten know their Mommy has such scary thoughts to share?🙂

    • Novroz
      September 30, 2011

      hahaha look who’s talking? you are also a nice girl but you enjoy those scary, and sometimes gruesome, horror movies😉

      I only take it a little further by creating the story. Then again, my favorite writer Mr.King is a gentle and nice man and look at his works (which I love so much). For this strange taste of mine, you should blame Mr.King and my father. My father is the one who let me saw Arnold peeled off his eye and slashed his arm in Terminator when I was only 10…and that’s how I became fascinated with such gruesome stories.

      But don’t worry…I only like that kind of gruesome in fiction…when it comes to real life, I feel sad seeing murder news in TV. They should stay in fiction. And I know Kame and Kroten are fine with my thought😉

      • Nekoneko
        October 1, 2011

        Hehehe… I do like them, but they scare me badly sometimes too and give me nightmares. You were lucky… my Mom never wanted me to watch such movies or read stories like this when I was little…. (But my Dad… he liked them too, and sometimes he would take me to the movies, just me and him, to watch them as our little secret.😉 )

        • Novroz
          October 1, 2011

          my mom never mind with my kind of movies and books…so I am free to watbh anything🙂

          I am also like you, ghost story sometimes scared me even after I finished watching it, I do believe ghost…but seriel killers and monster never gave me an after effect.

          • Nekoneko
            October 2, 2011

            For me it’s always been the opposite!

            Ghosts and monsters… the weirder they are the less scary they are for me. It’s the things that are almost real that frighten me the most, the things that might just be something you could really encounter. Serial killers, kidnappers, maniacs… I guess, for me, it’s always been people who are capable of being far worse threats than any “monster” and who can scare me the most.

          • Novroz
            October 2, 2011

            hehe I guess living in country with a really rare case of serial killers and maniacs makes me not afraid of such thing. We do have murder here but serial was rare. In my over 30years of life, I can only recall 1 sadistic serial killer case.

  7. lifewith4cats
    September 30, 2011

    OMG the ending gave cold chills run up my arm. Wow!!

    • Novroz
      September 30, 2011

      Yaii…thank you Sara…I am glad you got chills lol

  8. wordsfallfrommyeyes
    September 30, 2011

    Great story! You are good at that. Androgoth is great!

    • Novroz
      September 30, 2011

      Thank you so much, Noeleen (if I am not mistaken, that’s your name, right?? sorry if I make mistake)

  9. DEZMOND
    September 30, 2011

    very spooky🙂

    • Novroz
      September 30, 2011

      thank you Dezzy :hug:

  10. si_ulil
    October 5, 2011

    Whoa! This one’s the creepiest you’ve written so far!

    I was expecting some kind of creature the minute you described the victims, but the thought of “it” being faceless didn’t really cross my mind until i reached the ending.

    I REALLY like how you used cursed words because it made the story more real and it gave the needed emotions for the main character. One itsy-bitsy tiny suggestion: maybe the part where Caroline whispered “Oh my God, What are you?” should be replaced by a creepy, chilling description of ‘it’ to give more intensity. That way, even without describing Caroline’s reaction, the readers react with her.

    Just a thought. But other than that, a very, VERY great job! I like this a lot, more than the story about the man who loves peeling people’s skin. *I forgot the title*🙂

    • Novroz
      October 5, 2011

      Thank you🙂

      I owe the ending to Debbie’s picture, the picture from creative ink gave me the place but the story itself came from the faceless painting. I hope I can do something like this again in the future,combining 2 pictures has better effect or result, in my opinion.

      Hmmm…I was and am still lost for creepier words to say when Caroline saw ‘it’. I was putting myself in her position,if I saw something like ‘it’, I would have said the same thing as she said. Maybe you have a better sentence to share, I’ll be happy to hear it🙂

      • si_ulil
        October 6, 2011

        Whoops. I think I didn’t put it the right way so there is some kind of misunderstanding. What I meant is that you could put a graphic, chilling description of ‘it’ in the end to add the suspense. Like, blood dripping from the ripped face in it’s hand, it’s body posture (whether he stands tall like a beast or awkward and misunderstood like Hunchback of Notre dame), something like that. I didn’t mean that you should replace the “Oh my God, what are you?” with something else. In fact, maybe put the line in the very end, as the closing, right after the creepy description, as a cliffhanger for a horror story😉

        But even if you don’t replace it, it’s still a thrilling read🙂

        • Novroz
          October 6, 2011

          aa…I see!! that is a good idea. I will keep it in mind when I have time to evolve it. I am planing to rewrite some of my stories before sharing them in writing.com. Thanks for the tips🙂

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  13. Androgoth
    April 27, 2012

    I have enjoyed your portrayal of this fiend from hell, perhaps
    this could be your title ‘Fiend from Hell’ however your thoughts
    on a favourable title will eventually surface, especially with the
    fine imagination that you alread have.

    Thank you for steering me towards your story and do continue
    with your fine writing as you have captured the suspense element
    within your script🙂

    Have a wonderful day today my friend🙂

    Androgoth Xx

    • Novroz
      April 28, 2012

      Thank you so much for reading my story Andro.
      You have a thing with language and I am glad you said what you have just said toward my story.

      Fiend From hell sounds interesting…I will consider it when I finally have time to rewrite this into a longer story like a novella or a novel.

      Thank you again Andro🙂

      • Androgoth
        April 28, 2012

        You are most welcome my friend🙂
        Have a lovely weekend and I hope
        your turtle has not escaped again😦

        Androgoth Xx

  14. the13thversifier
    April 30, 2014

    Hi, i stumble upon to this story from a link through Direktori Fiksi Indonesia. So is it safe that i assume, somehow the author of this short stories is Indonesian?

    Great story, even though it was too short. I’d like to see this story branch out to a bigger world, a standalone universe, even.

    If it was possible, in a serial web fiction probably, like what this guy did on http://pactwebserial.wordpress.com

    And i found out a fledgeling web fiction serial as well, written in Indonesian, it’s http://www.kludia.com might worth checking if you want to see what he/she did to develop a serial.

    • Novroz
      April 30, 2014

      Hi (I am not sure how to call you😉 )

      Thank you for reading and the suggestion. Yes I am Indonesian but I like blogging in English because it broaden my friendship and readers.

      This is my first few shorts, I was still learning but I am planning to extend this short one day because it is one of my favorites (a writer can have favorite too, right?). But not anytime soon because I am currently doing a Fantasy serial> https://bokunosekai.wordpress.com/category/short-story-others/aqeela-and-me/

      I will check those blogs now … thank you for the recommendation.

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