My 5th Short Story: Which Smile Lies Underneath

It’s been a while since my last short story. This week’s picture in Creative Writing Ink is really intriguing. I am going to go a  bit bloody now 😉

As usual…please correct me as I am not a native and so sure I  will make a lot of mistakes.

Here is the picture:

Which Smile Lies Underneath

Startles, Sari awakes to a sound of a tumbling down empty can. She finds herself strapped onto a metal bed in a vast empty room. It’s dark but she knows it’s still daylight as she sees a straight line of sun peeking trough a hole in the roof. Where am I is the first that come into her mind…but no one is there to answer her question.

Hello….is there anyone there?” Sari shouts, “HELP!!! can anyone help me please!!!” Her voice bounces back from the dark wall and creates chilling echoes. She stops shouting. She feels like a kid again, scared of her own voice.

Sari tries to track back her last memory. She was in a party, it was a mask party. a friend asked Sari to keep her company. A mask party sounded intriguing to Sari’s ears. There was this guy in the long black coat with a white mask on his face. His voice was deep and charismatic. Sari liked him straight away even though she hadn’t seen his face. She imagined him as a man with sweet smile that could easily break any girl’s heart. His baby blue eyes were shining when he laughed. He offered her a drink and they left the party to find a better place to talk. And that was the last thing she could remember.

The sound of someone opening the door distracts her thought. There is a slit of daylight and a silhouette of someone by the door. It lasts only for few seconds as the door is closed again. That someone walks toward Sari. The approaching of that someone made Sari shivers. The wall bounces the sound of the footsteps into an intensified deafening loudness. She has never been this scared her whole life.

The closer he walks to her the more she knows who he is. Her suspicion is answered when she sees a man in dark suit wearing white mask. He is still holding the rose like the first time they met.

You!! Why are you taking me here?” Sari asks in pleading tone, “Please let me go…please“.

The man says nothing, he is staring at her with his baby blue eyes that once attracted Sari. The eyes are no longer shining happily, they are now cold and terrifying. She no longer imagines that there is a sweet smile hidden behind the mask, the sweet smile has turned into an ugly and scary smile. She no longer has desire to lift the mask and see the smile that follow his blue eyes.

The man put the rose on Sari’s stomach. She is shivering with fear when the rose touches her bare stomach. At that moment, she finally realizes that she is naked.

Please let me go….” she pleads. Her eyes are full of fear. “I’ll do anything you want…but please let me go, please don’t hurt me.” Tears are now falling down her cheeks.

Hurt you?” The man finally says something. “I will never hurt you, I will never hurt your beautiful skin. I am here to help you.” He caresses her arm as if her arm is a fragile china. He takes a pail full of rose petals and spreads them around Sari.

Your skin is as smooth as these roses, but it shine more beautiful that them. Didn’t you know that?” He keeps spreading the petals. “It’s a pity that such beautiful skin will turn ugly as the time goes by. I am here to prevent time from hurting your beautiful skin.” His voice is so full of love and admiration but that makes Sari more afraid than ever.

What are you saying?” sari asks. Confusion and terror are swimming in her mind.

The wrinkle of an old lady always destroys the beauty of woman’s skin” He whispers near Sari’s ear. “I will never let your skin turns into ugly wrinkle.” He is smiling, Sari is so sure he is smiling behind that mask. In an instant she knows something terrible is about to happen.

No…no…don’t hurt me…please…NOOOO!!!

The room turns dead silent when the man hit Sari’s head. His preparation with the rose petals is finished. He takes his knife and starts skinning her. He has that smile again underneath that mask. Which smile is it, Sari will never know.

28 thoughts on “My 5th Short Story: Which Smile Lies Underneath

  1. This story reminds me of the Aztec priests who served Xipe Totec, Our Lord the Flayed One. As part of their priestly duties they who cut the skin off a sacrificial victim and wear it for several days. The ritual must have been gruesome and the smell must have been even worse. Lol

    I liked your story; the ending is not what I expected.

    1. Ow wow…that’s a scary ritual. Thank you for sharing that info, I have never read about it. You have interesting knowledge.

      Thanks. There were 3 drafts for this picture, I finally chose this one because I haven’t done murder story yet. Thank you for reading Tezcats

    1. Thank you for reading Wanda.
      Honestly, when I read what I have written…I didn’t feel awful, I feel proud. I am a huge Stephen King fan, and not that this is close to anything he has written…but I’m getting there.

      There isn’t many horror writer here in my country.

    1. Thank you for reading CB.

      You had goosebumps? yeaaa I am happy to hear that, not because I am happy to scare you but because that is the result I was expecting when I wrote the story.

    1. I have never read romantic suspense, not really into anything romantic…but I admit it is influenced by Perfume. In perfume, the murderer preserve the scent, in here the man preserve the skin.

      Thank you for reading, Alice.

  2. Whoa, this reminds me of Phantom of the Opera, what with the white mask, rose, everything. Wow, such a scary story Nov, it’d make a good horror movie for sure.

    1. That was what I thought when I first saw the pic, maybe there’s where Olive got the picture from.

      Thank you for reading, Ruth. The more people said it is scary the happier I become because that means I got the reaction I wanted. Hmmm…if someone made a movie from this, you know who owns those baby blue eyes 😉

    1. Sorry for making you scream, Caroline 😉
      Thank you for the compliment. You know, the more I write the more I know that I enjoy writing horror/thriller more than other genre.

    1. Thank you for the suggestion Cas. I was planning to write that but I didn’t know how considering she was already tied…and then gave up the idea. Will try to do better next time. Thank you for reading, Cas.

  3. Its a good story, and also a good lesson for young people to be careful at parties. The quickness of the death makes it even more scary because there was no chance for her at all.

    now for the corrections you asked for. but theres hardly any.
    it should be ‘a’ hole ‘in’ the roof instead of the hole on the roof. Your way is also correct but in this situation it reads best the other way.

    1. First of all, thank you for reading and the compliment, Sara.
      Someone on told me I should write more about the party to let people know about the two characters better. I thought that was a good suggestion. But I agree that the quickness of the dead makes it more thrilling. Long talk before killing is a bit boring.

      Thank you for the correction, that indeed sounds better than what I have written. Will fix it now.
      I have doubt whether startling is better than startles. Which one do you think is better? more about the party to let people know about the two characters better. I thought that was a good suggestion. But I agree that the quickness of the dead makes it more thrilling. Long talk before killing is a bit boring.

      Thank you for the correction, that indeed sounds better than what I have written. Will fix it now.
      I have doubt whether startling is better than startles. Which one do you think is better?

  4. Whoa! This is the scariest one you’ve made! Well done! The sudden death of the girl was a bit unexpected, because I was picturing some kind of a torture scene, but I think the way you’ve done it is better because it feels more mysterious rather than just plain cruel. kudos to you, miss!

    *the internet connection isn’t good enough for me to open WordPress, hence the different username -___-“

    1. Thank you Lan 🙂
      I think I have said implicitely in your blog that I don’t like torture movie or plain cruelness. I adore serial killer story that has reasons behind the killing…and that’s why I don’t like slasher movies. Through this story you can see that even though I want to write something cruel, but I don’t want it for something without reason.

      Thank you for reading and I hope you get your internet fixed soon so I can read your take on this picture. I imagine something romantic hahaha

      1. yeah, you’ve mentioned it when we were talking about SAW, I think. And I’m glad you did it because somehow it made more sense even though what he did is inexcusable.

        Hahahaha, no, I didn’t even write anything for this picture. I always download the picture first before I get into the writing part to maintain that some sort of momentum, so when the connection wasn’t even good enough for a single picture download, I couldn’t even come up with a theme, let alone a story line. I wrote for the latest one, though 🙂

        1. Hmm…that’s interesting. I never downloaded those pictures. I ussualy see it, memorize it and think about it whenever I have free time to think. If within a week I couldn’t come up with anything…then I’d drop the idea of writing something from the pic.

          Ah the girl in the rain, great pic…will see what you have written soon 🙂

  5. Ouch!
    The idea of torturing by skinning of a person, I even can’t think another word better than “ouch”.

    “Horrible” (read: intense and terrifying) scene you have here, Nov. And you describe it well enough to leave the scary impression. The dialogues are efficient, well enough to tell his reason without being pushy.

    Keep it up, Nov.

    1. Thank you Dhitzu 🙂
      Serial killer story has to be terrifying and I am glad you got terrified by it because that means I got what I want from my story.
      I can imagine this to be a longer story…maybe one day I should give it a try … hehe write a novel for once.

  6. Wow…. I’ve been reading some of your older posts to get a sense of you and this story is just so truly scary. I have a personal dread of such things as this, strange since I like most horror stories, but the more “real” they are, like serial killers and things like that, the more they give me bad dreams.

    This has that “feeling” to it… like one of those bad nightmares I have sometimes. Was it something you dreamed about? It is very good…. but disturbing too. :0

    1. Thank you so much for doing this Nekochan, I was also planning to read more of your old reviews but couldn’t do it these couple of days because I am now celebrating my religion’s Big Day (Kinda like Christmas for Christian), I only have time to answer my blog through my mobile.

      A good serial killer is a fun story for me, fun in the sense of horrific. Good serial killer means a killer with unusual purpose (unlike the one in Scream). Thank God I don’t have this kind of nightmare. Leaving in Indonesia, I am more scared at ghost than killer. We hardly have serial killer in this country.

      I am glad you got that ‘feeling’…that means my purpose of writing this has been delivered 😉
      Thank you so much for spending your time to read this, Neko.

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