Polychrome Interest

A Random Blog of Everything I like

My 4th Short Story: Good Bye is The Hardest Word

After few weeks without writing short stories…here I am back in action again 😉

I had written a short from last week’s picture in Creative Writing Ink, but the mood has gone and I don’t feel like typing it anymore (it is saved in my note book till I decide to publish it). This week’s picture is quite interesting, I really want to write something from that picture.

I am going to borrow my friend’s name, I feel like her name fit the story…don’t ask me why, I just feel like that. I hope you don’t mind I borrow your name, Irina 😉

As I always said in every story I have written…please correct my mistakes, please criticize me, help me to be a better writer (tho still amateur writer)

Good Bye is The Hardest Word

“Do we have to?” Irina said to her mother. Little Irina was holding a box with all the care she had inside her heart.

“Yes…we have to, honey!” her mother said. Irina could only sigh over her mother’s reply. She hugged the box and caressed the thing inside. She tried to hold her tears from falling down her cheek. She was about to do the hardest thing in her life.

She had to plea her case once again. “But mom, I love her! We have become friend. We slept together, I fed her well, and I changed her bandage every day” Irina pleaded as hard as she could. “I saved her!!” Irina raised her voice a little.

“Honey…I know you’ve saved her and I know how much you love her. We couldn’t keep her away from you, so we let you keep her in your room. You have been great doctor and nurse for her. I know she felt blessed to have met you,” Her mother said, “But, she doesn’t belong with us. If we keep her with us any longer, she will not be happy. Instead of saving her, you are actually hurting her.” She smiled at Irina to make her heart strong.

“I am not going to hurt her, mommy!!” Irina started to sulk.

Her mother knew that her little girl still couldn’t understand the meaning of her words, she had to try different approach. “Do you like living with us, Irina dear?” Her mother asked.

“Eh?” Irina was puzzled with the question, not because it was such difficult question but more like because it was an unexpected question.

Her mother smiled and repeated the question, “You lived with us since you were born, we love you so much, you are our most precious treasure. I know we love living with you, but do you love living with us, Irina?”

“Of course!!” Irina said, “I love Mommy and Daddy. I don’t want to live without you.”

“We don’t want to live without you too,” Her mother said, “Lucy has her own family too, one big family that loves her so much. If we can ask her, I am sure she will say that she loves her family too.” Her mother begun to explain why they had to let her go, “Now imagine this, if you were hurt and then someone helped you and kept you inside their house till you fully recovered, just like Lucy. And then, that someone decided to keep you as hers. Would you like to live with her? Or would like to return to us?”

“Return to you,” she answered in a whisper. She understood the situation but it was still hard to let Lucy go. Her 5 years old heart was about to learn the painful side of life, saying good bye.

Both mother and daughter walked through the hanging bridge. Irina hugged the box while her mother was holding her shoulder. Irina needed both hands to carry the box, she refused to give the box to her mother. The bridge felt like the longest bridge in the world. Irina could see the sea behind the hill. The sound of the sea sliced her heart into small pieces. She hugged the box tighter.

They finally reached the end of the road that could be passed by visitor. The hill was about 10 meters above the sea. They could hear the sound of the wave crashing against the hill, but what Irina heard the most was the crying of the seagulls. There were so many seagulls flying on the sky, they were hunting the fish down in the sea. They all looked so happy shouting at each other.

Irina looked at her box and then looked at the seagulls. She looked up to her mother and smiled, “Mommy, I understand now.” Her mother smiled back.

They opened the box together, there was a young seagull inside the box, and she was Lucy. Lucy broke her wing and fell on their lawn. Irina and her mother had tended her for a couple of weeks. Irina grew closer to her each day. Even though Lucy was a wild bird but she was really tamed. Her mother knew that it would break her little heart when the time to set Lucy back into the wild finally came. Lucy looked up at her saviors. She let them lift her out of the box. Irina hugged her for the last time. Lucy let herself being hugged as if she knew this would mean a lot to little Irina.

After having her good bye hug, Irina together with her mom threw Lucy up to the sky. Lucy immediately spread her wings. She circled above the mother and daughter who had saved her, she was somehow thanking them and saying good bye to them at the same time. Irina smiled and yet couldn’t help stopping her tears from falling down. “Bye bye Lucy, hope you’ll be happy with your family…but please don’t forget me,” Irina said.

Lucy shouted her good bye cry and fled to join the other seagulls.

Irina’s mother hugged Irina to strengthen her little heart. Irina had learned how to say good bye to the one she loved, her mother knew that this will make her daughter stronger than before.

Advertisements

About Novroz

I actively maintained 2 blogs. My personal blog is about things that I love: Turtles, Books, Movies, Music, Larc en Ciel, Muse, Cillian Murphy, The Mighty Boosh and many more. I also help my 3 super cute turtles, Kroten, Papoe and Kurome, to maintain their own blog: http://kamekroten.wordpress.com

26 comments on “My 4th Short Story: Good Bye is The Hardest Word

  1. DEZMOND
    June 15, 2011

    I’m happy for Lucy 🙂

    • Novroz
      June 15, 2011

      I am happy for her too. Thank you for reading this, Dezz 🙂

  2. thoughtful-whatnot
    June 15, 2011

    Very sweet story. Thank you for sharing it on the WordPress forums to help me find it. If you want criticism, there are a smattering of grammatical and punctuation errors (easily corrected!) and probably a few places where you can trim words off to make the sentences more striking. Very, very minor stuff. For example, third paragraph should be “friends” instead of “friend.” Near the end –> “Her mother smiled back at her.” <– you can remove "at her" since it's redundant (she's already smiling back, who else would it be but 'at her'?). Again, these are minor comments but offered since you'd asked. Good luck with the further writing!

    • Novroz
      June 15, 2011

      Ow…thank you..thank you so much. It is always a nice feeling to be corrected.

      I have to struggle when it comes to grammar and punctuation. I have reread my story and I found some of my mistakes, will fix it tomorrow (I am currently replying by using my mobile). I will also fix the parts you have explained in your comment.

      Once again, thank you so much for reading this and taking time to correct my errors.

  3. rtm
    June 16, 2011

    This is great Nov, you have a knack for writing short stories, you should pursue it! The story is quite heart wrenching… that’s cool that you use Ronan’s sweetie’s name, Irina is a cute name indeed.

    • Novroz
      June 16, 2011

      Thank you, Ruth. Nice to know you read my short 🙂

      Hehe I think Irina is a name that is not too foreign and has similarity with Indonesian names.

  4. Irina
    June 16, 2011

    Hi Novia!
    awww thanks for using my name! I feel kinda special now! :)))))
    It’s a lovely story. I once had a hedgehog called Fufa (she would always make ‘fuf-fuf’ sound). I found her in a park next to where I used to live. Her leg was severely damaged (smashed really) so, unfortunately, my mum (she is a doctor) had to amputate it 😦 It was necessary though, Fufa couldn’t move with her damaged leg as it was too pianful. Fufa was lovely, very cute and extremely fast (she would always hop around the flat on her 3 remaining legs). We loved her dearly but my mum said we needed to let her free. so we did! I was heartbroken….. like for a couple of days:)))Soon we found a little kitten to take care of 🙂
    The rope bridge on the pic is Carrick-a-Rede Rope Bridge. It’s in Northern Ireland not far away from Ronan’s parents’ summer house. It’s a lovely place.
    I can’t make any comments as to your grammar, spelling.. I am a foreigner myself hahha.. just one question: how can seals fly????? do you mean seagulls ? 🙂

    • Ronan
      June 16, 2011

      Hahaha 🙂 What are talking about? There lots of flying seals in Ireland 😉 Carick-a-rede is lovely, especially when the weather is good. If you ever visit it Novia you have somewhere to stay.

      • Novroz
        June 16, 2011

        Hmmm…flying seal will look scary Ronan. It was my bad 😉

        I would love to see Ireland but money will be an important issue here 😦

    • Novroz
      June 16, 2011

      ow my God!!! what a stupid mistake…yes, I meant Seagull…huahaha SILLY me!!!
      I will definitely fix it when I got back from work.
      I think the mistake came from my fav manga, I was reading it online before I wrote the story and in it there is a Navy Seal using a seagull shaped head…and instead of writing seagull I wrote Seal…hehe thank you for pointing that up.

      That’s weird! your childhood is similar to my story…maybe I have psychic ability…maybe that’s why I felt that your name fits the main character. Sorry to use it before asking 😉

      • Irina
        June 16, 2011

        Yeah, that’s what I thought 😀 Don’t think Lucy the seal would have survived if Irina set her free by dropping her of ‘the hill about 10 meters above the sea’. hahahahah.. Your story just made my day!
        That IS weird! definitely a psychic! 😉
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG6iF7fPzkU speaking of cats:))

        • Novroz
          June 16, 2011

          yeah…and seal has no wing to break 😉

          hahahaha I wonder what makes your day, is it the stupid seal-seagull mistake or the story itself??
          The funny thing is you are the 4th reader and yet you are the 1st that realize that seagull mistake…when I reread it, I didn’t realize it either…I only realized my grammatical errors.

          Huahaha the video is hilarious!! the back-sound is so perfect. I don’t if you have seen this post or not,one of my favorite in my turtle’s site: Turtles & Cats

          • Irina
            June 17, 2011

            That is soooo cute! that kitten hugging a turtle… my heart melted.
            The video of a turtle biting a cat made us laugh hard! who knew turtles can be so agressive… poor kitty:(
            I think they might have thought that it’s a fantasy story.. or that you are a bit cookoo.. in a sweet way 😀
            If there is a price offered to the best story by CreativeInk, you should deffinitely be a winner! Flying seals.. it can’t get more creative than that!! hahhahhaha

          • Novroz
            June 18, 2011

            I was laughing so hard too when i saw that beastly tortoise….maybe he was hungry and that cat looks like new kind of vegetable 😉

            Hahahahaha….I will use that flying seal in my other story. Wait for their appearance!! (not sure when)

  5. si_ulil
    June 16, 2011

    I’m….confused. Isn’t seal…a sea mammal? Did you mean…seagull?
    An interesting take on the picture, miss. There were some…ineffective sentences that you may cut, like… :
    “She hugged the box and caressed the thing inside it.” >> maybe….you can erase the ‘it’ because I think the readers know that you’re talking about the thing inside the box.
    “She tried to hold her tears from falling down.” >> falling is always ‘down’, so I don’t think falling down’ is quite effective.

    I hope I didn’t sound annoying or anything. You can have your revenge when I post my next short story 🙂
    I love the title, by the way.

    • Novroz
      June 16, 2011

      my excuse for the most stupid mistake I have ever written is already explained in my reply to big Irina 😉

      I know, there are some redundant words just like Thoughtful-Whats Not had pointed out, I have spotted that box thing too…I just haven’t got the time to edit it yet. As for falling down, I am keeping it 🙂 I know what you are trying to imply but putting down after falling had stronger feeling…at least that’s how I felt when listening to Muse’s song (the title is Falling Down).

      Hahaha…don’t worry, feel free to correct me, even SK said first draft is never perfect. I like to publish my story right after I typed it, it makes people and myself easier to spot my mistakes.

  6. lifewith4cats
    June 16, 2011

    Im reading after you have already corrected the mistakes. Irina is a lovely name and it matched the story perfectly. Learning how to say goodbye. It was a gentle story with a happy ending. I liked it!

    • Novroz
      June 16, 2011

      Yeah…I fix the mistakes the minute I arrived at home 🙂
      Thank you for reading it, Sara. It is a bit sad for the little girl but I think that’s the best way to learn

  7. Caroline
    June 17, 2011

    It’s a very sweet story. It reminds me of something very similar that happened to me when I was little but in my case it was swallow. They are lovely little birds. I missed the flying seal…

    • Novroz
      June 17, 2011

      What happened to you? The swallow broke its wing too?
      Thank you, Caroline. I tried writing in variety…Thriller then,sweet story now.
      Hahaha lucky you don’t read about that flying seal;)

      • Caroline
        June 18, 2011

        No, it didn’t break its wings it landed on the floor and because the wings are too long, they cannot fly up from the floor, I took it in and it climbed on my back and hid in my hair. It was very exhausted. I kept and fed it for a few days and then it just flew out of the window.
        At then end of the summer, the swallows fly South. This happened just before that and before they finally left one of them kept on flying by several times until I came to the window. I swear, I’m sure it had come to say good bye before flying to Africa.

        • Novroz
          June 18, 2011

          I believe it did say good bye to you 🙂
          Animals might not be smarter than human but they have much purer heart…they know how to show gratitude

  8. kelly
    June 19, 2011

    Wonderful, heart warming story Nov. Everyone makes little mistakes, and they didn’t take away from the story at all 😀

    • Novroz
      June 19, 2011

      Thank you, Kel. It’s heart warming to know you enjoy my story.
      Mistakes make us better, that’s my motto 😉

  9. CBCondez
    June 19, 2011

    How come I don’t see the links to your stories at Creative Writing Ink? Just asking… =D

    • Novroz
      June 19, 2011

      I have no idea!! I have put it in since Wednesday. I put it again but I think something wrong and it won’t link here.

Say something so I know you have read my post, THANK YOU for reading :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on June 15, 2011 by in Short Story & Others and tagged , , .

Categories

Movie Event

Thank you for following me :)

Join 2,554 other followers

Check these books!

RSS Celoteh Siswa

  • Kepribadian
    Hari ini, guru Bahasa Indonesia di sekolah meminta anak2 kelas 6 untuk membuat kalimat dengan menggunakan beberapa kata, salah satunya adalah KEPRIBADIAN. Salah seorang anak membuat kalimat yang menarik 😉 “Saya menyimpan kepribadian saya di locker”

COPYRIGHT

© Polychrome Interest [bokunosekai.wordpress.com]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material and/or photographs without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. All requests to republish excerpts, articles, or photos must be made to the blog owner/author.

Goodreads