My 3rd Short Story : The past will haunt you

This week’s picture in Creative Writing Ink has intrigued me again.

The picture only has small part in the story.

I should warn you that the story is a bit creepy 😉

The past will haunt you

hff…stupid!” thought  Andy. He was thinking about the story that he heard from Ali about the street near University X. He told him that that street is always empty, it was a perfect place to drive as fast as he wanted to. Andy was quite intrigued with it as he was looking for the right street to try his new car. However, the emptiness of the street was not the only thing Ali had shared to him. He told him that the place was haunted since two years ago, a lot of people had seen something that made them frightened. Andy never believed such stupid things, there was no such thing as ghost.

Two hours later, he was heading to that street. He wanted to prove to himself that the street was just a street.

So…here I am and that’s the street! And where is the ghost?” sneered Andy to no one particular as he was all alone in the car. “People are often so silly.

The street was really long, it surrounded the biggest university in his country. The street was so alive in the morning and afternoon, crowded with cars and people, but it looked death in the middle of the night. He drove his car as fast as he could. It was a good chance to try his new car, checking out how fast it would go.

Yuhuuuui” screamed Andy full of ecstasy.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a woman walked right in front of his car. He immediately hit his break but it was impossible to stop before it reached the woman. Bam…the car hit the woman right in the stomach and he could feel her underneath his car as the car’s tires ran over her. He felt sick. He wasn’t sure what to do, part of him wanted to run away while his other part wanted to check on the woman.

His good side won over the battle of consciousness. He looked at the body through the mirror. She was lying face down. He couldn’t tell whether she was still alive or not. A sense of dejavu came over him. He had seen this image before.

Where and when was it?” thought Andy. “I knew I have been in this situation before.”  He couldn’t bring himself to remember it and decided to ignore that dejavu feeling he had.

He got out of his car, but something odd happened the moment he turned his head toward the direction where the woman was supposed to lay. There was no body. He was sure he had seen a body from the rear-view mirror….but where was it now? A chill suddenly ran through his body.

Get over yourself, Andy!” he tried to assure himself. “The body has got to be there, somewhere.

He walked few meters away from his car to where the body was supposed to be. He didn’t see anything, he didn’t even see a trace of blood on the surface of the street.

Okay…this is getting too weird for me, I must have seen things because of his stupid story.

Andy walked back toward his car.

What he saw inside the car stopped his blood from running through his vein. The woman was inside the car, sitting on the passenger seat. Her head tilted slightly to her side.  She was looking down at her belly. There was something odd with her belly, it was flat and crushed. Blood was soaking through her dress. Her hand was on her belly, it was as if she was trying to stop her blood. Then she lifted her head and looked at Andy’s face.

Andy wanted to scream and ran away but his mouth was locked and his feet were nailed to the ground.

The woman lifted her blood soaking hand as high as her chest. “So, you’ve come back,” she said coldly. There was no expression on her face. “You didn’t leave me this time.”

Andy was hit with memory of the past. He remembered everything now, he did see that image of body lying behind his car. Two years ago, he was heavily drunk when he passed through this street. He hit a woman dressed in the same way as the woman sitting in his car right now. He looked through the mirror. His alcohol and drug clouded mind was shouting at him to leave her alone. He left her lying there. When he woke up in the morning, he couldn’t remember anything….or more precise, he didn’t want to remember anything.

You left me to die!” whispered the woman in a voice that can chilled him to the core. She stretched her hands toward him. “I have been waiting for you  to  come back.


Inspired by the ghost  story in the street near  University of Indonesia.

Do share your  thought on this story I felt that there was something missing here.

You can check all the stories I have written in my short story page.

32 thoughts on “My 3rd Short Story : The past will haunt you

  1. “Inspired by the ghost story in the street near University of Indonesia.” >>> WHAT THE?!?!?!?! O:)

    Your story is……. traumatizing. For me, it is. The ghost itself, I can take. Was hoping for a creepy little boy instead of the Si Manis Jembatan Ancol ghost, but she’s creepy enough anyway.
    And your P.S. at the end? “Sheet”! (you are, after all, my teacher. So I have to be proper :D)

    I should’ve listened to your warning! -____-“

    1. This might sound odd, I was planning to write fun story…but after a session of ghost story at school, with me as the storyteller, I changed the story into ghost story.

      Well…it is based on that ghost story near UI, I only changed the details. a friend told me that a lady often appeared in that street. I hope it didn’t make you afraid of your campus…hehehe.

      a boy ghost is not as scary as woman ghost…in my opinion 😉

  2. Since I always go home by train, I’m cool with this story. Even if I miss the last train, I think I’d prefer to call my dad to pick me up. Bahahahahaha!

    You and your ghost stories for the students, let it be told stories or via movies. Why am I not surprised? 😉

    1. well…if your dad picked you up, he will pass that street, be sure you ignore a woman walking alone in that street 😉

      hehehe ghost story is so appealing…didn’t you know that?

    1. Thank you so much, Michael 🙂 knowing someone is reading it already makes me happy.

      I always want to write but never really did it till I read SK’s On Writing and the site that encourage me to write, it called Creative Writing Ink.

      If you like to read my first and second story, you can click on category SHORT STORY AND OTHERS, or the page above my heades that said SHORT STORY. Would love to know what you think.

  3. Its is so much more scary when I read ghost stories than when I watch them on movies. I pictured what I read and got creeped out. Its funny how you are scaring the students too. 🙂

    Have you ever seen the scary ghost story from Tailand called Taxi? Its a favorite of mine. Its kinda like this.

    1. I feel the same as you, that’s why I enjoy horror book although I also enjoy horror movie as well, but book is still the best, our imagination scared ourself 😉
      Hehehe…I am a naughty teacher, I often tell ghost stories or bring horror movies to watch together with my students…funny thing is, they are the one who asked me to tell them such story.

      No,I haven’t. I have only seen Shutter (also from Thailand) and it was really good. I am going to find this Taxi movie because you said it’s kinda like my story. It makes me curious. Thanks for telling me

  4. Spooooooky!!!

    Love it, I was gripped. It serves Andy right for his past. Your evil doings always come back and bite you on the bum!!

    Great writing Novroz, thanks for sharing

    1. Thank you C.
      It means a lot that you continue reading this even though I have said it is a bit creepy, I know you don’t like horror movies.
      Yeaaa…I am happy you get the message of the story 😉

        1. It’s dark in here and it was dark when I wrote that, time difference is a funny thing 😉
          I always remember something special about my blogger friends.

  5. Wow, that was good. I enjoyed it, really creepy.
    It did remind me of a story that is told around here of a woman in white haunting the motorway but the end of your story is very unexpected. I thought it would simply be a ghost and that’s that but this sis the story of a ghost who goes after someone…

    1. Thank you, Caroline. glad you like it.
      Female ghost walking in the street is quite common in many countries. Do you believe that story?

      At first the story was just about meeting the ghost, but when I typed what was in my head, the ending twist to a new turn…it had better meaning than just meeting a ghost, right?
      I thought there is something missing in the story but I couldn’t figure out what is it.

  6. That is indeed a creepy story Noiva, you write so well and especially for a non-native speaker, it sounds so natural. The story sounds familiar enough to be scary but original enough to be interesting. I like supernatural stories as I believe in the supernatural myself; demons and ghosts etc. so this story really got to me, thanks for writing it Noiva, keep them coming please.

    1. Welcome back from Rome, Ronan 🙂 and having a lot of fun together with your beautiful wife somehow makes you mistyped my name…twice lol.
      Thank you for reading it and for that nice compliment, Ronan….it means a lot when someone who speaks English daily to say such thing.
      I also believe in the existence of ghost and demon (but not monster) and that’s why ghost story always sounds so appealing to me..

  7. Yeah enjoyed this. only one proviso & it’s only my opinion, don’t think her voice needs to be eerie, if she’s reaching for him with ill intent, maybe filled with hate, or a you say earlier that she speaks coldly maybe a voice that chills him to the core yet burning with hate, or a hatred. these are only suggestions not actual solid ideas, as I don’t write myself except the odd poem.
    Thanks for sharing.

    1. I think that’s a good sugestion, Parish. I like the one with voice that can chilled the bone. Will try to fix it soon.

      Thank you for reading, Parish.

  8. I’ve been enjoying reading your stories – but I notice the creepy stories are the ones I want to leave comments on (“Alice” and this one). I think you have a flair for this sort of thing!

    Again, I have a little suggestion about the story: I think the second-to-last paragraph explains more than it needs to. Maybe you could say something like this:

    “And then Andy remembered. He remembered driving this same street two years ago, late at night, drunk. He remembered how this woman had looked in his headlights. He remembered what happened next, and he remembered driving away.”

    That way, the readers have to fill in some of the details themselves.

    Just a thought – I hope it’s a useful one.

    1. Thank you again, Tim 🙂
      Your saying like that make me sure that I really should follow Stephen King’s footsteps. I guess I have a thing for writing these creepy stories because I adore Mr.King’s work and Horror movies.

      Your suggestion is really good, it shorten things up and leave more mystery. I like it. I will try to edit it my story but not 100% from your line, I will mix it with mine. Thank you again, Tim.

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