I completely forgot to check the picture in Creative Writing Ink last Monday, July 18. A post by my friend, Wulan, reminded me of it.
The picture form July 18 was so beautiful and sad, I am so intrigued to write something. I thought a story from a poem will do justice to the picture instead of a short story.
Here is the picture and the poem:
Alone
Alone…
and yet, not entirely
Where is everybodyI look down from the highest place
I feel at ease
but sadness in in my eyesThe blue sky is peaceful
but the orange land is frightfulSomething had happened when I fell down the rabbit hole
Has the earth paid her revenge toward the ignorant human-troll
They have brain and yet they keep hurting her soulAm I the only human now?
You might see my attempt of trying to make it rhyme. Though, I think it was not a good rhyme…please correct me if you think the rhyme is off. Poem is really a new thing for me.
I challenged my self by doing 2 pictures at once and still have connection (hopefully). This is the picture from July 25. I stopped trying to rhyme now…too tiring 😉
Hope
I walk and walk a thousand steps
but trees and animals are all I seeA soundtrack of loneliness is in my head
I hum along to cheer my heartA hopping bunny is my only friend
hop and hop I follow himA sea is where he leads me to
as blue as the peaceful sky above my headThe roaring sea deafen my ears
but the the light in the castle blinded my eyesIs there someone behind the light?
Do share your worst opinion about these 2 poems, I need it to improve my self. Thank you so much 🙂
Polychrome Interest 
Lovely poem:)
Thank you Wanda
yeah, nice poem…. i like most the second poem… 🙂
Thank you Neni 🙂
I also enjoy writing the second one more because I can freely write it without searching for a rhyme
Both poems are good, but I prefer the first one!
Poems don’t need to rhyme to be effective. In fact sometimes people can try so hard to make their poem rhyme that in the end it doesn’t really make much sense.
I know you aimed to make your first poem rhyme, but there is really no need. The first 2 verses don’t rhyme, but are very effective. I agree with you that for some reason the boy (I think this person is a boy!) appears to be calm and at ease, even though he seems to be surrounded by destruction and chaos.
When I read your first poem – Alone, I didn’t think the line
‘Something had happened when I fell down the rabbit hole,’ made sense.
However, when I read your second poem – Hope, I could see how you had used the rabbit to connect the two.
A good read. Thank you,
Thank you Jewel 🙂
I love the thorough-ness of your comment, I can feel that you really read them and took time to analyze it…for that I really am grateful.
I know that poems don’t need to rhyme but I want to try…and honestly, it was really tiring. Well, at least I have tried 🙂
I enjoy writing poem that has story in it…not as fun as writing shorts but I begin to enjoy it more and more. Not sure when I can be as good as you
I think you have done a very good job Novia. Poetry is one of those things that looks easy but is actually pretty hard.
I agree the first one is my favourite too. Well done my friend
C
Thank you so much, C 🙂
I know…putting words together to create a story in a very short sentence is realy difficult. Funny thing is I thought poem was easy till I try making it myself.
Thanks for the mention, Ms!
An interesting take on the first picture. I was planning on creating a fantasy world as well, but yours has a darker side than what I had imagined. It’s like…entering a Tim Burton world of some sort.
I especially love this part:
“The blue sky is peaceful
but the orange land is frightful”
I can’t really explain why, though. It just fits, somehow.
If I can make one tiny correction:
“ignorance human-troll” >> maybe it’s “ignorant human-troll”?
“They have brain and yet the keep hurting her soul” >> “and yet they keep hurting her soul”
*it’s the college-student side of me talking. My lecturers comment about even the smallest typo and I’m “infected” by that syndrome! 😛
I hope you don’t mind that I only commented on the first piece and skipped the second one because I haven’t exactly created anything based on the second picture and I don’t want anything or anyone to influence me in any way 🙂
You’re welcome 🙂
I admit that at first I wanted to write a short story with the same basic idea as the poem…but I had second thought and poem seemed more dramatic and darker than short….even though poem always leads to how people interpret it.
Hahaha good thing you have that syndrom 😉 I did a lot of typo in my blog, story and poems. Thanks for the correction, I will fix it when I got a chance to sit in front of my PC.
I don’t mind at all…but you kinda miss the ending of the story by not reading the second poem, they are connected, beginning and ending.
Okay, I finally read the second one! I hope it’s not too late, hahahaha…
Well, I pretty much agreed with everyone. The second one was waaaay…..lighter than the first, which gives them a pretty good balance. In comparison, I guess I have this to say:
The first poem is so Tim Burton-esque. The second one is more Narnia-esque 🙂
Whuahaha that’s an interesting way to describe my poems…Tim Burton and Narnia (tho I don’t like narnia). Thank you for reading before writing your own piece.
btw, you will be promoted tomorrow 😉
The first poem was haunting and truly felt lonely – but the second one made me feel better! I especially love the lines, “A soundtrack of loneliness is in my head / I hum along to cheer my heart.” So beautiful!
That is also my favorite line of the second poem because it just came out of nowhere. I was watching TV and it just hit me.
Thank you for reading my poem, Emily
I think both poems compliment each other, I feel the same as the previous commenter Emily, the first one seems sad, the second one starts off with that feeling then turns hopeful. So well done 🙂 In the first, about falling down the rabbit hole, it made me think of Alice in Wonderland! Lovely use of imagery in both poems 🙂
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thought, Theresa 🙂 fully appreciated.
Glad you get what I am trying to deliver through these poems.
Beautiful writing to go with gorgeous visuals, well done, Novia!
Thank you Ruth 🙂
Beautiful poetry, especially the first one. I love the messages in both. Nicely done!
Thank you Lina 🙂
Yeah…i kinda have this grudge against people who keep hurting the earth, even simple thing as littering is annoying…poor earth.
I like the first one a lot. The second one is good but it doesn’t speak to me as much.
The first one is the one I put all my thought into…you know,trying to rhyme 😉
Thank you for reading them Caroline.
It’s funny how some people like the first one while other the second one, I guess it speaks differently to different people
The beautiful poem. Me likely 🙂
Thank you, Ladeva 🙂
it really is a very beautiful picture!
Beautiful pictures indeed…but what about my poem, Dezz? 😉
Nice poems Novroz, I think the second is better although it doesn’t rhyme as much 😉
Thank you Cas 🙂
I thought you’re going to like the first, it’s a surprise that you like the second one more.
Hi Novroz.
I agree with you that pieces of writing speak differently to different people! Your poems have generated a lot of thought and comments. Congratulations!
You are a versatile writer, of which I am envious! I haven’t attempted a short story yet and am still stuck in rhyme mode! I feel your poem has more depth than anything I can produce. I’ll just have to keep at it!
I think you praise me too much, Jewel.
My poems generate many thought and comment because some of them are my blogger friends with same interest on books or movies.
I think your poem has both depth and rhyme. I enjoy it a lot. Talking about shorts, you should try it once…it’s really fun and we can write it freely without a certain boundary like poem. Would love to read your short one day 😉
I like the loneliness evoked in your first poem.
Thank you, Tilly. The first picture really shows loneliness, and I am glad if you can feel it too through my poem
Beautiful! 🙂
Thank you soooo much Nandini 🙂
What a lovely pair of poems! 🙂
Thank you Nina 🙂
🙂