Polychrome Interest

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Poems: Alone and Hope

I completely forgot to check the picture in Creative Writing Ink last Monday, July 18. A post by my friend, Wulan, reminded me of it.

The picture form July 18 was so beautiful and sad,  I am so intrigued to write something.  I thought a story from a poem will  do justice to the picture instead of a short story.

Here is the picture and the poem:

Alone

Alone…
and yet, not entirely
Where is everybody

I look down from the highest place
I feel at ease
but sadness in in my eyes

The blue sky is peaceful
but the orange land is frightful

Something had happened when I fell down the rabbit hole
Has the earth paid her revenge toward the ignorant human-troll
They have brain and yet they keep hurting her soul

Am I the only human now?

You might see my attempt of trying to make it rhyme. Though, I think it was not a good rhyme…please correct me if you think the rhyme is off. Poem is really a new thing for me.

I challenged my self by doing 2 pictures at once and still have connection (hopefully). This is the picture from July 25. I stopped trying to rhyme now…too tiring ;)

Hope

I walk and walk a thousand steps
but trees and animals are all I see

A soundtrack of loneliness is in my head
I hum along to cheer my heart

A hopping bunny is my only friend
hop and hop I follow him

A sea is where he leads me to
as blue as the peaceful sky above my head

The roaring sea deafen my ears
but the the light in the castle blinded my eyes

Is there someone behind the light?

Do share your worst opinion about these 2 poems, I need it to improve my self. Thank you so much :)

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About Novroz

I actively maintained 2 blogs. My personal blog is about things that I love: Turtles, Books, Movies, Music, Larc en Ciel, Muse, Cillian Murphy, The Mighty Boosh and many more. I also help my 3 super cute turtles, Kroten, Papoe and Kurome, to maintain their own blog: http://kamekroten.wordpress.com

37 comments on “Poems: Alone and Hope

  1. Wanda
    July 26, 2011

    Lovely poem:)

  2. Neni
    July 26, 2011

    yeah, nice poem…. i like most the second poem… :)

    • Novroz
      July 27, 2011

      Thank you Neni :)
      I also enjoy writing the second one more because I can freely write it without searching for a rhyme

  3. jewel2
    July 27, 2011

    Both poems are good, but I prefer the first one!

    Poems don’t need to rhyme to be effective. In fact sometimes people can try so hard to make their poem rhyme that in the end it doesn’t really make much sense.

    I know you aimed to make your first poem rhyme, but there is really no need. The first 2 verses don’t rhyme, but are very effective. I agree with you that for some reason the boy (I think this person is a boy!) appears to be calm and at ease, even though he seems to be surrounded by destruction and chaos.

    When I read your first poem – Alone, I didn’t think the line
    ‘Something had happened when I fell down the rabbit hole,’ made sense.

    However, when I read your second poem – Hope, I could see how you had used the rabbit to connect the two.

    A good read. Thank you,

    • Novroz
      July 27, 2011

      Thank you Jewel :)
      I love the thorough-ness of your comment, I can feel that you really read them and took time to analyze it…for that I really am grateful.

      I know that poems don’t need to rhyme but I want to try…and honestly, it was really tiring. Well, at least I have tried :)

      I enjoy writing poem that has story in it…not as fun as writing shorts but I begin to enjoy it more and more. Not sure when I can be as good as you

  4. Custard
    July 27, 2011

    I think you have done a very good job Novia. Poetry is one of those things that looks easy but is actually pretty hard.

    I agree the first one is my favourite too. Well done my friend

    C

    • Novroz
      July 27, 2011

      Thank you so much, C :)

      I know…putting words together to create a story in a very short sentence is realy difficult. Funny thing is I thought poem was easy till I try making it myself.

  5. si_ulil
    July 27, 2011

    Thanks for the mention, Ms!

    An interesting take on the first picture. I was planning on creating a fantasy world as well, but yours has a darker side than what I had imagined. It’s like…entering a Tim Burton world of some sort.

    I especially love this part:

    “The blue sky is peaceful
    but the orange land is frightful”

    I can’t really explain why, though. It just fits, somehow.

    If I can make one tiny correction:
    “ignorance human-troll” >> maybe it’s “ignorant human-troll”?
    “They have brain and yet the keep hurting her soul” >> “and yet they keep hurting her soul”

    *it’s the college-student side of me talking. My lecturers comment about even the smallest typo and I’m “infected” by that syndrome! :P

    I hope you don’t mind that I only commented on the first piece and skipped the second one because I haven’t exactly created anything based on the second picture and I don’t want anything or anyone to influence me in any way :)

    • Novroz
      July 27, 2011

      You’re welcome :)

      I admit that at first I wanted to write a short story with the same basic idea as the poem…but I had second thought and poem seemed more dramatic and darker than short….even though poem always leads to how people interpret it.

      Hahaha good thing you have that syndrom ;) I did a lot of typo in my blog, story and poems. Thanks for the correction, I will fix it when I got a chance to sit in front of my PC.

      I don’t mind at all…but you kinda miss the ending of the story by not reading the second poem, they are connected, beginning and ending.

      • si_ulil
        July 28, 2011

        Okay, I finally read the second one! I hope it’s not too late, hahahaha…

        Well, I pretty much agreed with everyone. The second one was waaaay…..lighter than the first, which gives them a pretty good balance. In comparison, I guess I have this to say:

        The first poem is so Tim Burton-esque. The second one is more Narnia-esque :)

        • Novroz
          July 28, 2011

          Whuahaha that’s an interesting way to describe my poems…Tim Burton and Narnia (tho I don’t like narnia). Thank you for reading before writing your own piece.

          btw, you will be promoted tomorrow ;)

  6. Emily
    July 27, 2011

    The first poem was haunting and truly felt lonely – but the second one made me feel better! I especially love the lines, “A soundtrack of loneliness is in my head / I hum along to cheer my heart.” So beautiful!

    • Novroz
      July 28, 2011

      That is also my favorite line of the second poem because it just came out of nowhere. I was watching TV and it just hit me.
      Thank you for reading my poem, Emily

  7. Theresa
    July 28, 2011

    I think both poems compliment each other, I feel the same as the previous commenter Emily, the first one seems sad, the second one starts off with that feeling then turns hopeful. So well done :) In the first, about falling down the rabbit hole, it made me think of Alice in Wonderland! Lovely use of imagery in both poems :)

    • Novroz
      July 28, 2011

      Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thought, Theresa :) fully appreciated.
      Glad you get what I am trying to deliver through these poems.

  8. rtm
    July 28, 2011

    Beautiful writing to go with gorgeous visuals, well done, Novia!

  9. Lina Shaik
    July 28, 2011

    Beautiful poetry, especially the first one. I love the messages in both. Nicely done!

    • Novroz
      July 28, 2011

      Thank you Lina :)
      Yeah…i kinda have this grudge against people who keep hurting the earth, even simple thing as littering is annoying…poor earth.

  10. Caroline
    July 28, 2011

    I like the first one a lot. The second one is good but it doesn’t speak to me as much.

    • Novroz
      July 28, 2011

      The first one is the one I put all my thought into…you know,trying to rhyme ;)
      Thank you for reading them Caroline.
      It’s funny how some people like the first one while other the second one, I guess it speaks differently to different people

  11. ladeva
    July 28, 2011

    The beautiful poem. Me likely :)

  12. DEZMOND
    July 28, 2011

    it really is a very beautiful picture!

    • Novroz
      July 28, 2011

      Beautiful pictures indeed…but what about my poem, Dezz? ;)

  13. Castor
    July 29, 2011

    Nice poems Novroz, I think the second is better although it doesn’t rhyme as much ;)

    • Novroz
      July 30, 2011

      Thank you Cas :)
      I thought you’re going to like the first, it’s a surprise that you like the second one more.

  14. jewel2
    July 30, 2011

    Hi Novroz.
    I agree with you that pieces of writing speak differently to different people! Your poems have generated a lot of thought and comments. Congratulations!
    You are a versatile writer, of which I am envious! I haven’t attempted a short story yet and am still stuck in rhyme mode! I feel your poem has more depth than anything I can produce. I’ll just have to keep at it!

    • Novroz
      July 30, 2011

      I think you praise me too much, Jewel.
      My poems generate many thought and comment because some of them are my blogger friends with same interest on books or movies.
      I think your poem has both depth and rhyme. I enjoy it a lot. Talking about shorts, you should try it once…it’s really fun and we can write it freely without a certain boundary like poem. Would love to read your short one day ;)

  15. Tilly Bud
    July 30, 2011

    I like the loneliness evoked in your first poem.

    • Novroz
      July 30, 2011

      Thank you, Tilly. The first picture really shows loneliness, and I am glad if you can feel it too through my poem

  16. Nandini
    January 28, 2012

    Beautiful! :)

    • Novroz
      January 28, 2012

      Thank you soooo much Nandini :)

  17. Nina
    September 30, 2012

    What a lovely pair of poems! :)

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