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Indonesia Banget #10: The Act of Kissing Someone’s hand
Posted by on May 17, 2011
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It’s time for another edition of Indonesia Banget. This time, I want to share something that totally different to western world (as far as I know). This won’t be along post, this is probably the shortest IB post ever.
Have you ever see this image on the right? (Copyright belongs to Inmagine)
A man kissing a woman’s hand as a way to respect the woman. If you ever seen such act in Indonesia, it is no doubt that the man has been influenced by western movies.
I am not saying we don’t have kissing hand’s tradition in Indonesia, we do have it but not like the picture shown above.
In Indonesia, the act of kissing someone’s hand is a way to say we respect that person, but not in away shown above. Here are the orders of who will kiss whose hand:
-
Picture belongs to susansudarwin.wordpress.com
Children will kiss their parents’ hand every time they leave the house and when they come back home. It is both to show respect and ask for blessing.
- Children will also kiss their aunt and uncle’s hand as well as their grandparents.
- Younger brother or/and sister will kiss the hand of their older brother or/and sister. This act mostly takes place once they’re no longer living in the same house.
- Students will kiss their teachers’ hand. It is their way to show they respect the teachers. However, you will not see this act in any international school.
- Wife will kiss her husband’s hand.
As you can see…the hierarchy of kissing hand is from the younger ones to the older ones.
- The president and his wife
Javanese even has a tradition called sungkeman, where the younger ones not only kissed the hand of the older ones but they also did it with a position that looked like kissing the knees of the older ones (See the picture).
I saw a funny scene once, an Indonesian celebrity was marrying a western man (I didn’t know the nationality of that man), when the ceremony was over, the wife immediately kissed the man’s hand…and thinking that was our tradition, the man kissed the wife’s hand in return. The woman was laughing because that was not how it was supposed to be.
Unfortunately, this act to show respect has decreased in some parts of my country. My family tries to maintain this act of respect till today (and many years to come).
Updated on May 18,
I realized I have forgotten to say some important things, I have to set it right so that I won’t give wrong information.
- When I said Western Movie, it doesn’t mean cowboy movie. We, Indonesian, often refer Asian as East people whereas American and European as West People. Therefore,what I meant by western movie is movies made by both American and European.
- This act of kissing hand is not LITERALL kissing the hand like in Mafia Movies where they kissed the Mafia boss’ ring. We often put the hand on forehead or give a little ouch with our nose or lip.
- Sungkeman only takes place during special event,such as Idhul Fitri (Islamic Holiday where we forgive each other) and Wedding (from the children toward their parents)
Sorry for this missing information.
Previous Indonesia Banget Post:
- 17 Agustusan (Independence Day’s Celebration )
- Mudik (Going back to the Village)
- Bedong (The art of wrapping the infant)
- Malam Bainai (a Minang tradition on the night before the wedding)
- Kerokan (One of many Indonesian traditional folk-cures)
- Topeng Monyet (Traditional Monkey Circus)
- Death Ceremonies
- Traditional Houses
- Sangkuriang, a Folklore From Indonesia
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In the Philippines as a gesture of respect people take the hand of an older or higher status person and touch it to their forehead-a very nice tradition.
Sometime,we also do that instead of kissing…mostly happen at school.
I guess being neighbor makes us have similar tradition
I agree,it is a nice tradition and I am glad my family is keeping the tradition.
Many Indonesians do that instead of kissing hand. I take my husband’s hand and touch it to my forehead every morning when he’s about to leave for work
I find this type of post really interesting Nov. I love learning about different cultures, thanks so much for sharing.
To be Honest the kissing of hands isn’t that common here either. European values have taken over and it is more the kiss on the cheek and a small hug now. I miss the Ladies and Gentlemen days…
C
Your welcome, C … glad you like it.
I didn’t know that, I thought the kissing of hands is still common, I see it quite a lot in movies. I guess we could never trust movie completely.
Oh it still happens, but not so much with my generation. We just go straight for the cheek.
It is seen as very polite to kiss the hand, almost over the top.
I see…we have such a big difference in our culture, you cannot kiss someone you first met on the cheek unless you are in the same gender, if you were in my country.
I kinda imagine that kissing hand happened a lot in the era where women are still ashamed wearing skimpy dress
Love this post
This is so interesting, thank you
Thank you for reading this, Kelly.
It’s a nice feeling to be able to share a piece of my country to the world out there.
I think the most likely event for this type of gesture is during Iedul Adha or Iedul Fitri, don’t you think?
You should have mentioned how the younger ones place the elder’s hand on their foreheads instead
Indeed, this special gesture mostly happens at school. But I hardly remember giving you that kind of gesture every time we met! It’s usually,”Miss! What’d you think of last night’s Idol?!” with no introduction or greetings whatsoever
Or maybe near the end of graduation ceremony, where we pretty much had to place our foreheads on the hands of ALL the teachers *flashback moment
Not in my family case. We kiss our mom and dad’s hand every day…tho it is more like placing my nose and lip on top of my parents hands, don’t imagine it to be like the picture of that man kissing the woman’s hand.
whuahahaha…so, whose fault is that?
honestly, I don’t really like being treated like that by students
I don’t mind at all when it is done by family members. I like my students to respect me but still regard me as friend.
I think this is a beautiful tradition that also serves a good purpose to show respect. I would not mind at all if America did that. The hand kissing in western movies is something that only happens to a very few lucky pretty girls and only if the guy is really a ‘ladies man.’ Then he will do this type of thing to impress them and make them feel special. But most women in America have never had their hand kissed and they get jealous if I tell them that I have had my hand kissed a lot.
My husbands hand is really a lot bigger than my face. I love to put my forehead under his hand sometimes when we sleep or watch tv. It feels comforting and warm and safe.
Thank you for sharing that information, Sara. I didn’t know kissing hand could give such special feeling toward the woman.
I can imagine the comfort you feel from your husband, tho I don’t have a husband yet
Always interesting to read this kind of post Novroz! Yea this has nothing to do with you are doing in Indonesia, the kissing of hand in the US is a much more intimate thing some guys do for their wife/girlfriend, very much akin to a normal kiss.
Thank you saying that Castor
Can I assume that the intention has shifted from the time the European did it with what the American do nowadays ?
I see respect not affection when they did it in years where horse and carriage were still used as mean of transportation. Here, kissing the forehead is the act of affection, apart from normal kiss.
you would really kiss the hand of your older sister or brother?
I’d never do that to my older brother, we fought too many wars between each other for me to do that
Yes I did
My older brother has married and live on his own, when he came to visit us (me and my parents), I kissed his hand and his wife’s hand. We don’t always have great relationship but once we lived apart of each other,we sort of respect each other. My younger brother also kissed my hand every time he came home.
Another interesting post, Novroz. Basically one could say that anybody’s hand could be kissed apart from the hand of a woman by her husband. What is the norm in Western culture is the exception in Indonesia.
In Europe this tradition still exists but many people don’t know that the hand should actually never be touched by the lips! Traditional European upbringing will teach you that. My mother would have frowned upon any man who would actually have kissed her, my or someone else’s hand. You do as if… Austria is particularly well known for this tradition.
The “kissing of hands to show respect does exits in the Catholic tradition, in a variation. You kiss the bishop’s or the Pope’s ring…
You can sum it up like that, Caroline. Usually, the wife will kiss the husband hand while husband will kiss the wife’s forehead. The wife shows that she respect the husband while the husband shows that he cares about the wife.
Not all people really kiss the hand…we also do it AS IF kissing it. Basically,only touching the hand with either forehead, nose or lip.
I have seen that image before and pretty much aware that Christian kiss the ring of the Pope and the Bishop. Here, I have seen Christian kiss their priest’s hand as well as Muslim kiss their Uztad’s hand (Uztad is same like priest in Islam)
I was pleasantly surprised (and quite flattered) when my Indonesian neighbor asked his 3-year old son to kiss my hand. In the Philippines we were taught this tradition as a sign of respect for our elders, and I still do this with my older relatives. What surprised me was that in all this time when I thought we had acquired this tradition from the Spaniards, it was actually from our Indonesian ancestors!
Hi Victor…welcome to my blog and thank you for sharing your experience
The first time Mel (he is also from Philpipine) told me that Philippine people also kiss their elder’s hand was quite surprising, I never knew such same tradition existed. I don’t know where is the origin of that tradition, maybe we both acquired it at the same time. It’s a nice way to respect our elders
Interesting post, Novi! We have nothing like that here.Kissing is not so popular in Germany
Thank you Claudia
Hahaha are you sure kissing is not popular in Germany?
I meant kissing on the cheeks for example-this is popular in France.Germans don’t kiss each other normally when they meet.Some do and others not so.It is not like the kissing you’ve described
Hehehe…I know that, I was just joking
Rio Ferdinand of Manchester United amazed with this tradition when children line up and kiss his hand at meet n greet in Indonesia. Said he want to teach the custom to his kids as well.
Oh wow!! really? Thank you for sharing that. I don’t watch football so I know nothing about this.
I really think that this tradition should be done forever, it shows lots of respect toward older people.
Yep.. I remember that one well since I am a football fan
. He found the custom amazing when they (panitia) explained to him that is how younger people show respect to the older people in Indonesia.
I myself still do the same to my older relatives when I meet them though I just touch their hand with my nose and forehead, not my lip. In return, I got the same treatment from my younger relatives.
I don’t think anyone really kiss with lips, it’s always with nose of forehead